A Trip Down Memory Lane: The Kick Ass Summer of 1995

How many of you have been busy doing something while listening to the radio, and a certain song comes on that reminds you of an event or trip that happened in your past?  Last week I heard one of those songs, and it took me back to the summer of 1995.  It was the summer before my senior year in High School, and is one that I will always remember.  So sit back, relax, and get ready for one of my loooong posts, (No kidding either, it is long) because I am taking you back in time to that magical summer.

 

First off, let me start with our preferred mode of transportation, the Party Van.  It was one of those 1970’s vans with the sunroof in the back of the van, and no windows on the side.  In fact, the sun roof had been busted out during a camping adventure down in Hover Park.  With no window up there, it made for a great escape hatch to peer out of while driving around.  It was the kind of van that you might see with a hideous painting done on the side and back of it.  My friend Brad Butherus had been the proud owner of a 1980 Camaro before the engine had blown out earlier that year in March, and the van was the only alternative he had to get out of Finley.  The party van became the centerpiece of our whole summer.

 

The Party Van was our chariot, and we were the riders.  Our favorite thing to do while in the party van was cruising Clearwater.  Every night as soon as it was dark, Brad, Eric Espinoza, and sometimes Jamie Harris, and I would start the cruising path between Taco Bell on 395 and Kennewick Ave down to the 7-11 that used to be on the corner of Clearwater and Edison.  The fun part about it all was the amount of kids who would take part in this ritual.  Somewhere around 100 people would park at Taco Bell and just hang out until the cops would stop by.  That was the sign for everyone to hop back in their autos and head down the road to 7-11, where the party would start back up until the cops made their way down, which then would send everyone back to Taco Bell.  Turn.  Smile.  Shift.  Repeat.  All night long.

 

During all of this driving to and fro, the busted out sunroof came in handy.  See a car load of girls that you want to talk to?  Easy money, you just stood up in the back of the van, popped your head out, and say hello.  Although doing this could lead to trouble if a policeman happened to see you.

 

And being the dumb kids we were, it was only a matter of time before a cop saw us do the sun roof trick.  One night while we were out, Brad had noticed that a car had been following us around for awhile, and asked if someone could go look out and see who they were.  Since standing up through the sun roof ala Tom Hanks in Big was my favorite thing to do, I headed back to take a peek.  As soon as I stood up, I realized who had been on our tail.  It was Mr. KPD, and he was not amused by our antics.  He quickly flicked on his lights, and we were pulled over.

 

I don’t know how many of you out there have had to try to explain to a cop about why you were hanging half way out of the top of a van.  But take my word for it, it is not easy.  There we are, pulled over and talking to Mr. Policeman.  We are pretty sure that there is going to be a ticket issued, when all of a sudden he gets a call on his radio.  Like a flash, he throws Brad’s license and registration back into the car, yells for us to not pull the stand up trick again, (HA, like we were going to listen!) and to drive safe.  He then flipped his siren on, and went tearing down the road.

 

We felt pretty lucky after that encounter.  Like I said, there was something in the air that summer, like we could do no wrong.  After the sticky situation we had just wormed out of we decided it was about time for our usual late night trip to Denny’s.  I know there are a lot of Shari’s fans out there, but I am sorry, Shari’s has nothing on Denny’s.  First off, last time I checked, Shari’s does not serve a Grand Slam of anything for breakfast.  Denny’s has like 5 slams.  So 20 points for Denny’s, 0 for Shari’s.  Oh, I can’t forget about the Moons over My Hammy either…another solid score for Denny’s. 

 

Secondly, Denny’s has a bar.  We might not have been old enough to go inside the bar, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t enjoy the people coming out.  Most nights we would just get a dessert, something to drink, sit back, and enjoy the drunks coming out of the bar.  My favorite drunk was middle-aged-man drunk hitting on the group of over-made-up-skank drunks.  If it wasn’t the weekend and was a slow drunk night, we would just sit in there and BS with each other, and hope that the hot waitress would be serving us.  I can’t go to the Denny’s in Kennewick now without thinking about all the late nights we were there.

 

So, to get back to the story, on our way to Denny’s, we notice that the Blockbuster in the same parking lot is surrounded by cops.  We also see the one who had pulled us over only 5 minutes earlier.  Supposedly there had been an armed robbery there.  No wonder 3 kids messing around in a van became small peanuts.  I never thought that somebody doing an armed robbery would benefit me, since after all I was most likely the person to get a ticket for the sun roof incident.

 

That wasn’t our only run in with the cops.  One night we were in Richland to see if anybody was cruising G Way.  That is when I found out that everything goes to bed in Richland at 9 p.m.  We were pulled over by a cop, who asked us why we were out driving so late.  It wasn’t even 10 p.m. yet.  I informed him of the time, and he said that in Richland that is too late.  And that if anything bad happened in his town that night, and we remotely fitted the description of the hooligans who were involved, we would be getting a call.  That was the last time we went to Richland.  There isn’t anything there interesting anyway. Why did we get pulled over in the first place you ask?   He said we had a dim license plate light, and some dirt on the plate which made it hard to see.  So if you are ever driving in Richland at night time, make sure you have a clean plate and bright light.  Or else you will be pulled over.

 

1995 was the first summer that I did not spend with my family on the 4^th of July.  A number of us loaded up into the party van to head down to Columbia Park for the River of Fire festival.  At that time they had a carnival going at the same time, so we would go ride rides, and then sit down to watch the fireworks show.

 

I never made it to the rides that night.  I had spotted a girl sitting in the grass by the flag pole, and I had to meet her.  Her name was Jodi, and she was most beautiful girl that I had seen up to that point of my life.  I ended up sitting with her and her friend Christy for the rest of the night’s festivities.  It was a magical night, and the beginning of my first long term relationship. It is something that I will never forget.  But that story will not be told here.

 

Another adventure had in the party van involved my whole group of friends, plus a couple more guys that were along for the ride.  Someone earlier in the day had remarked about how the party van would make a great vehicle to go egging in.  With the sun roof in the back being the main mode of attack, we headed down to Columbia Park to wreak havoc on the innocent.  (Authors note:  While for the most part I was a law abiding citizen, I did do some dumb things when I was a kid.  This was one of them.  But hey, isn’t that what being a teenage boy is all about???)

 

The first couple cars that we egged were empty.  There was one car that we came across with what looked to be a half naked woman in, so we egged that one too.  We figured that whatever she and her mate were doing was not going to be stopped by a couple grade A’s lobbed their way.  But the next car we hit was one that we should have left alone. 

 

I don’t remember what exact kind of car it was, but it was an old boat.  Now that I think about it, this old boat and the party van could have been lot mates when they were brand new.  Anyway, this car was heading in the opposite direction.  We nailed it with 3 or 4 eggs.  But then something happened that we were not ready for.  The car slammed on its brakes, and made a violent u turn.  It was catching up to us fast. 

 

Now, if the party van had one shortcoming, it would have to be its lack of acceleration power.  Add in the fact that there were 7 guys in vehicle, and it preformed even worse.  While the car was heading for us, we kept lobbing eggs out the sun roof, which were hitting the car with great accuracy.  Then all of a sudden, I looked through the back window, and the car was gone, nowhere to be found.  Did they wreck?  Or give up the chase?  Uh, no, they did not.  They decided that instead of just chasing us, they would pull ahead of us, and spin out in front of us.

 

How many of you out there in blog land have had to try to swerve around a car that is blocking most of the road in an old van loaded with teenagers?  It is not easy, but somehow Brad was able to make his way around the car.  I still to this day can picture this egged up car spun out in front of the van.  I think that every person in that van didn’t expect to make it, but like I said earlier, we had luck on our side.

 

After avoiding the near disaster, we had reached the turn to get onto Columbia Center Blvd.  During this time, everybody in the van was yelling at Brad, telling him which way to go.  Everyone that is, except for Wes Tompkins.  Nothing could rattle Wes.  He sat there, and in a very calm voice told Brad which roads he should turn down so as not to happen upon the egged car again.  After we made it home that night, we all decided that there would be no more egg runs in the van.

 

An interesting add on to this story is that I later found out who the driver of the egged car was.  About 7 years ago I was telling this story out at work.  Not too long into the story, one of my co-workers stood up, and yelled, “That was ME you A**HOLE!!!!”  I could not believe my ears.  What kind of fate would have me working with the man who had experienced egg after egg nailing his car?  Good thing that it had been over 6 years since it had happened, and he had had time to cool off. 

 

Oh, one other thing about this story before I move on.  We had at least 7 guys in the van.  The car had no more than 2 or 3.  Why were we even running in the first place?  This is why: We were all convinced that we had just egged a car full of gang member with Uzis, and stopping would mean that they would execute us.  I think this might have something to do with us giving up the egging business.  No one wanted to get shot.

 

OK, I have saved the best story for last.  While the summer of 1995 was the best summer I ever had as a kid, I did have some really good ones the next 2-3 years afterwards too.  I can’t recall if this next story happened during the kick ass summer of ’95, or the next summer.  So I will just say that it did happen in 1995, and not later.

 

It was August, and it was almost time to go back to school.  With a little help from my Dad…ERR…a LOT of help from my Dad; I completed all the requirements for my Eagle Scout.  I am really glad that I did, because not everybody can claim that.  Even if my certificate had to be signed by Bill Clinton, it still was a big deal.  For my eagle project I cleaned up our neighborhood park, and with the help of two of my best friends, Jamie Harris and Eric Espinoza (These two were with Brad and I for the majority of our adventures that summer) and some other guys from my ward, we repaired the park benches too.  I finished at 7 in the morning on my 18^th birthday.  How’s that for cutting it close?

 

I told you that story so I could tell you this one.  Like I said, the summer was winding down, and so was the cruising up and down Clearwater.  I was always a little surprised that there were not any major wrecks on that stretch with all the kids out driving around.  But when there was one, we were right there to witness it.

 

I am not sure how the wreck happened, but it was not pretty.  One car slammed into another car, and the people riding in the slammed car were not doing very well.  The driver’s head had gone through the windshield, and the passenger in the back had been whipped around, and was in a lot of pain.  My friends and I, along with about 20 other people, got out of our cars to check up on these people.  By the time the emergency crews arrived, there was a crowd of around 200 people at the intersection looking at the damage.  The EMT’s and Fire Fighters came in and made everyone step away from the wreckage, and go to the other side of the street.

 

I was at the back of the car checking on the girl, making sure that she was not going to pass out, and that she was staying in one place.  She had told me her neck and back both hurt.  One of the Fire Fighters came up to me and told me that I had to leave so they could do their job.  I turned to the Fire Fighter and told him, “Sir, I am an EAGLE SCOUT trained in FIRST AID.  I am attending to this young woman!”  I was pretty sure his reply would be for me to leave anyways, and let them take care of it, but instead he said to me, “OK, keep doing what you are doing while we check on the driver.”  I have to say, it was a complete rush to be there in the middle of all the action.

 

It was a couple minutes later when my friends realized that I was still at the car.  Some of the group was asking why that guy (me) was able to stay out there.  Meanwhile, I could hear Brad yelling that it was his friend out there.  I stayed with the girl for about another 5 minutes until the EMT told me that they were ready to take over.  He told me thank you for my help, and asked if I could join the rest of the people on the sidewalk.  I shook his hand, and walked over to where my friends were.  Now don’t hold me to this, but I am pretty sure that there was applause coming from the group while I made my walk across the street.  If my Dad hadn’t forced me to finish the scouting program I had started 6 years earlier, I would have just been another gawker at a wreck.

 

So whenever a song from that time comes on the radio, I think of that magical summer.  Lifelong friendships were cemented forever.  Memories were forged, and the kind of summer that could be a major motion picture was lived.  It just goes to show that no matter how boring you think the town you live in is when you are a teen, there are still fun things that you can do.  Thanks for reading, and enjoy what is left of the summer.  Make some lasting memories of your own.

 

Oh ya, and Mom, I know that this is the first time you have heard some of this.  Just be glad that you never got the late night call from me asking to bail me out of jail. :o)

 

Extra reading for you

Right now I am working on my post about the awesome summer that was the summer of 1995.  But until I get around to posting it, feel free to check out the Tri-City Herald today to see the letter I wrote to the editor.  For those of you outside the Tri-Cities, you can view the letters to the editor here.  Mine is the one titled “Checking the Facts.”  Let me know what you think.

A little lesson on a place called ANWR

OK, I can't take credit for any of this, I received it in an email. If you go to snopes to look this up, they will not call it an actual truth, claiming that it is one sided. They then list each sides reasons for not drilling there. And of course, the other side reads like the usual complaints that environmentalists use for everything. And since wack job environmentalists won't be happy until we start living in caves again, I really don't care what they think.


So take this info however you want. But I will let you know that I am a firm believer in more drilling in the U.S., as well as more nuclear power to get this country off foreign oil. And when alternative technologies are actually ready for everyday use (which they are not) I will gladly switch over. Either way you do take it, at least you can be more informed about what they want to do up there.

FIRST… do you know what ANWR is?

ANWR = Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

….



Now… A comparison



And some perspective…


NOTE WHERE THE PROPOSED DEVELOPMENT AREA IS…
(it's in the 'ANWR Coastal Plain')


THIS IS WHAT THE DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS AND 'GREENS' SHOW YOU WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT ANWR
…and they are right… these ARE photographs of ANWR


ISN'T ANWR BEAUTIFUL? WHY SHOULD WE DRILL HERE (AND DESTROY) THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE?
…
…

WELL… THAT'S NOT EXACTLY THE TRUTH


Do you remember the map?

The map showed that the proposed drilling area is in the ANWR Coastal Plain

Do those photographs look like a coastal plain to you?


WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
…
….
…..
…..
…..
…..
…..
….
…


THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE…

THAT IS NOT WHERE THEY ARE WANTING TO DRILL!

THIS IS WHAT THE PROPOSED EXPLORATION AREA ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE IN THE WINTER

AND THIS IS WHAT IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE IN THE SUMMER

HERE ARE A COUPLE SCREEN SHOTS FROM GOOGLE EARTH



AS YOU CAN SEE, THE AREA WHERE THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT DRILLING IS A BARREN WASTELAND.




OH… AND THEY SAY THAT THEY ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THE EFFECT ON THE LOCAL WILDLIFE…

HERE IS A PHOTO (SHOT DURING THE SUMMER) OF THE DEPLETED WILDLIFE' SITUATION CREATED BY DRILLING AROUND PRUDHOE BAY *…DON'T YOU THINK THAT THE CARIBOU REALLY HATE THAT DRILLING?


HERE'S THAT SAME SPOT DURING THE WINTER.

HEY, THIS BEAR SEEMS TO REALLY HATE THE PIPELINE NEAR PRUDHOE BAY *…
*The Prudhoe bay area accounts for 17% of U.S. domestic oil production


NOW, WHY DO YOU THINK THAT THE DEMOCRATS ARE LYING ABOUT ANWR?

REMEMBER WHEN AL GORE SAID THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD WORK TO ARTIFICIALLY RAISE GAS PRICES TO $5.00 A GALLON?

WELL…
AL GORE AND HIS FELLOW DEMOCRATS HAVE ALMOST REACHED THEIR GOAL!


NOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT THE DEMOCRATS HAVE BEEN LYING,WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?


There, now you know a little more about ANWR, whether you wanted to or not. So next time you hear some wack job environmentalist talk about destroying ANWR, you will know (as if you didn't already. c'mon!) they are only telling you what will benefit their argument.

What time is it? Weekend Video Time!!

This is one of those videos that every time I watch it, it is still funny. And for those of you (i.e. mommy dearest) who were not impressed by last weeks video offerings, I think you will like this too.

At first I thought that they had just placed the TV there for this prank, but when we were in California back in May, all the Shell stations had these, and would preview shows for NBC. Who would have ever thought you would be able to watch TV while pumping gas!

And stay tuned next week when I take you back in time to the best summer I ever had growing up, the "Kickass Summer of '95" You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wonder how my friends and I were never arrested. So until then, everybody have a great weekend!!

TAG! I'm it!

OK, I have been tagged by two people in the last two days, so it is time for me to do it.  The tag is to describe yourself in 6 words.  Sounds easy right?  Maybe for someone else, but this is going to be tough.  Usually I drone on and on about something, but not I only have 6 words.  Let me see here…OK, I think I have it.

 

1.      Opinionated

2.      Congenial

3.      Accommodating

4.      Sarcastic

5.      Thinker

6.      Sociable

 

 

There you have it.  The Donald in 6 words.  Feel free to let me know if you agree or disagree with any of these 6.  Now I guess I have to keep the tag going.  I choose to tag Amy, Mitch, Jessica, and Libbie. 

 

Weekend Video...TIMES TWO!!

Some time last year I was emailed a video with 3 unicorns. I did not think it was going to be that funny, but we ended up quoting it at work for a long time. We even had a couple phones with the Charlie the Unicorn ring. Well, I had heard a rumor that Charlie the Unicorn part 2 had been released a few months back, but didn't think about it until tonight when I was setting up my weekend video. So the first video is the original Charlie the Unicorn video for those of you out there who have been living under rocks. And for those who have been living in the now, I have part two also. Yes, I know these are waaay out there, but I think they are hillarious. So enjoy them. And "carl" if you somehow Forrest Gumped you way back to my blog, you can enjoy them too. Have a good weekend my peeps.

From the minds of Hanford

There has been a lot of innovation out on the Hanford site the last 60+ Years. We produced the plutonium for the bomb that was dropped on Nagasaki in 1945. The FFTF reactor that was built (and now being torn down. Stupid small minded government hacks!) was one of the most advanced breeder reactors of its kind. There are various instruments that have been invented by people who have worked out here over the years that are still in use today, both at Hanford and around the world. And the Tri-City area has the highest per capita of PhD’s in the nation.

But there is one invention so ground breaking, that it took over 60 years for someone to harness its full potential. It made its debut in 2002, and even though at the moment is not being utilized; I know that one day its operation will be in full swing again. I am talking about Hanford Uno.

As has been chronicled in the past, Hanford workers have the luxury of a longer than normal lunch break. Different groups of workers play such card games as Hearts, Pinochle, Spades, and Cribbage. But we in the labs just had to be different. So one day someone brought out a double deck of Uno cards. And we played Uno. And we liked it. But after about a week, it started to lose its appeal. And that is why we came up with Hanford Uno.

Now I know that most of you out there are aware of special Uno “house rules” that people play by. Maybe you play add on with the plus twos and plus four cards. Or maybe you deal out more or less cards. You maybe even keep a score going. Well, we combined several different variations, and hence Hanford Uno was born.

So my loyal readers, today I give you a gift. It comes straight from the Lazy H Ranch, and you do not need a government clearance to see this info. There is no need for it to be reviewed by some security specialist. I present to you the official rules of Hanford Uno. I have written them out for you so you may print them off and use for how you see fit. And I am telling you right now, once you start playing Uno a la Hanford style, you will never want to go back to the old way again. Without further ado, here are the official rules.
THE OFFICIAL RULES OF HANFORD UNO (Rev 2.0)
History of Hanford Uno

Hanford Uno started circa 2002 in the upstairs lunchroom of 234-5Z. The original players were: Rich Dunn, Jeremy James, Chandy Lindberg, Don R. Sorenson, ESQ., and Kathy Wilson. Although a couple of the original players were far superior in talent, all of the above people will hereby be referred to as “The Legends.”

Player Groupings

Up to 6 players may engage in one game. If there are more than 6 players, you must divide up into 2 teams.

Rules of Play

2 Uno decks are needed to play. After shuffling both decks together, seven cards are dealt out to all players at the table. The person with the highest score from the previous hand goes first. (If it is the first hand of the day, the person with the days’ previous high score goes first.) In the event that they do not have a card to go first with, they may elect to have another person at the table go first. Play always starts in a clockwise fashion at the beginning of the game. Now this is where the similarities with non-Hanford Uno end. If a card is played, and you have the EXACT same card, you may call out speed, and play that card, even if it is not your turn. (At one time The Legends tried to play any card that matched, regardless of color, but it did not work out well.) This does not mean however that play has to be stopped to allow a person to speed. If it is your turn, and someone is trying to speed, you may attempt to play your card before they have a chance to speed, therefore negating their speed chance.

Drawing Cards
If you are not able to play a card, you must draw from the pile until you are able to find a card to play. Even if you have to draw 20+ cards.

When someone plays a DRAW TWO card against you, you have 2 options. You may either place another DRAW TWO card on top of the original DRAW TWO card, which then makes the next person have to draw 4 cards. Or you may play a REVERSE or SKIP CARD of the color of the DRAW TWO card. This is also known as playing a DEFENSE card. For example: Player One plays a green DRAW TWO card on Player Two. Player Two then plays a green SKIP card, sending the DRAW TWO onto Player Four. Player Four now may either play a green DEFENSE card, (skip or reverse) or they may play any color of Skip card. You MAY NOT at any time add on another DRAW TWO card after a defense card has been played. When it comes to DRAW FOUR WILD cards, the same reasoning applies, but in order to play a DEFENSE card, it must be of the same color the player who played the DRAW FOUR WILD card calls.

One other way for someone to have to draw cards is if they have only 1 card left and fail to call out “UNO” before someone else does. Keep in mind that the card being played MUST be on top of the pile before you can try to call UNO. (For Jeremy’s sake, throwing the card like a little girl at the pile counts as placing it on the Pile) If you beat the person to saying “UNO” they must draw 2 cards. Please note: Anytime that someone is drawing cards, you may not take your turn until they are done drawing. But as soon as they are done drawing, you may proceed. You do not have to wait for any speed plays before taking your turn, either.

Going out

The person who plays his last card is the winner of the hand. As a reward, they get 25 points deducted from their score. All the other players count up their points as follows:
Numbered Cards = Number on card is point value
DRAW TWO or DEFENSE cards = 20 points
WILD or DRAW FOUR WILD cards = 50 points.

The person at the end of the day with the lowest score wins!

Don’t say that The Donald never did anything for you. You know have the most advanced version of Uno known to mankind. I hope that you enjoy it.

Wal-Mart at 10:20 on a Saturday Night

I don’t know what it is, but with the nicer weather outside, I just haven’t been too jazzed to write a new blog. I mean, why be sitting in front of a computer screen when you could be outside enjoying the great Tri-City weather that we have each and every summer? So I did what any red blooded American would do. I waited until I was sitting at work to write one.

And what inspiration did I draw from for today’s blog entry? Well, it is the store that everybody (myself included) loves to hate, but will go there anyways because it is so convenient. Can you guess which one I am talking about? Yup, that right, the Wal-Mart.

Now most of you out there know how a typical Wal-Mart shopping experience goes. Jam packed parking lots, incompetent checkers, English not being the dominant language, you know, the usual stuff. I like to go either early in the morning, or late at night, but even then you still see a lot of the same stuff, just on a smaller scale.

So after a very busy Saturday that had me running from one end of town to the other, around 10ish at night we realized that we had never bought any formula for Elisabeth. And since I am the DLNS (Designated Late Night Shopper) of our family, I hopped into my car and headed up the street to you guessed it, Wal-Mart.

To me, it is always an adventure going to WM. And I don’t know why that is, since the same things happen every time I go there. But I will give you a run down anyways of my trip. I park my car and walk in the store. Over to my left are the usual hooligans playing on the mart carts. Of course there parents are no where to be found. Sometimes I wonder if in Spanish Wal-Mart translates into the words “baby sitter”. Heck, even destitute English speaking people think that it translates out that way too.

After making my way past America’s future prison inmates, I get myself a cart. Even though the Kennewick WM has recently remodeled everything, and bought new shopping cars, I still have the hardest time finding a good cart. Of course it doesn’t help that I am one of the pickiest shopping cart users in the Tri-City area. (Thanks for that trait mom; it is both a blessing and a curse.) When I grab a shopping cart, I have to give it a push to make sure the alignment of the cart is satisfactory to my liking. If it is wobbly or drives crooked, it goes back with the other carts. Sometimes I will go through 5 or 6 carts until I find one suitable to my shopping trip. The problem I run into at WM is that they have bumpy tile in there shopping cart area. So I can do my usual testing, find one that I think will be a good match, and once I get to the smooth tile surfaces in the store, I realize that the wheel has a dent in it and makes a hopping noise. So it’s back to the shopping cart proving grounds to find another one.

After 5 minutes of test driving, I have my cart and am ready to get my shop on. This part of the trip goes without any hiccups, and is done with fairly fast. I pick up my thing of lemon juice that I need for the roast I made for Sunday dinner, and head to the back of the store for the baby formula. Of course on the way I pass a group of teenagers who in their minds are grown up, but they are acting like morons.

OK, this is totally off the subject, but when it comes to the teen crowd, my favorite times of the year are Homecoming and Prom. They get all gussied up, and head out to dinner, where they feel so grown up and responsible. And then they end up at the mall, or at Wal-Mart. I always find it so funny, because they have no clue how silly they look in their fancy duds hanging out in front of Orange Julius. Lisa and I get a great chuckle out of this. I think I am going to start banging it into my girl’s heads that going to the mall in your prom dress is retarded. I don’t think they will listen, but if I start pounding away now, I might have a good shot.

OK, back to Wal-Mart. I have the items that I came for, and I start to head back to the front of the store. On the way I pass middle aged dirty shirt guy buying his nightly case of beer, and a mother with her 3 kids that should have been in bed 2 hours before. Oh yeah, and the baby who only has a diaper on, I forgot about him.

Now I am to the register. And as usual, the do it yourself lines are all filled up. So I have no choice but to go to one of the blazing fast cashiers that WM employs. Sometimes I picture how the job interview for a Wal-Mart checker goes. It has to be something like this:

Manager: “So, you want to be a cashier huh?”

Future Cashier: “Uh…Um. I guess so.”

M: “Have you ever worked a register before?”

FC: “A What?”

M: “A cash register. The thing you put the money in.”

FC: “Oh, I like money. Will I get some if I am a cashier?”

M: “Well, you won’t get the money out of the register, but you will be getting a paycheck.”

FC: “Oh I see. I get the checks out of the register.”

M: “Well, not quite. Let’s just move onto the next question. Do you think it is better to go as slow as humanly possible, and never make a mistake, or go faster and make a mistake every once in awhile?”

FC: “Uh, that is a tough one. I like to take it slow. If I work slower, I make more money!”

M: “Well, not exactly, but I like that you want to be slow. If you were interested in being a fast checker, I would have to turn you away.”

M: “Next question. If there was a price discrepancy…”

FC: “A what pancy?”

M: “A price discrepen….uh…a mess up on the price of something, would you call someone to look it up for you, or would you leave your station and walk over to where the mismarked item is and grab another one?”

FC: “Well, if I walked over there myself, I could be sure what the real price is. And it would make the line go that much slower. So I say go there myself.”

M: “Well answered! I don’t see any reason to keep the interview going. You are HIRED!”

FC: “GREAT! When do I get a break?”

And it is all downhill from there. The new checker gets placed in a checkout line all alone, and is ready to help serve the public by helping everyone slow down their busy lives. And who should walk into their line to checkout? None other than yours truly!

I don’t know why, but I always end up in the line of the slow and clueless cashier. After taking several minutes ringing up my 5 items, I am finally able to head out to my car. The hooligans are still being babysat by the mart cart when I walk by, and when I look down I see that they have all been spitting on the same spot. Yes, it sounds gross, but you only have to read about it. I had to see it.

Now that I am safely out of Wal-Mart, I am free to head back home. Well, not before a car full of Oregonians almost run into me. It might have been the same Oregonians that had everything ringed up BEFORE they told the hapless cashier they were from Umatilla, but I couldn’t tell for sure.

It is amazing the things that I and other people will put up with to get a good deal. And like I said at the beginning of this post, you may all bitch and complain about Wal-Mart, but I can guarantee you will be back there the next day when you need light bulbs, a can of paint, and some Jujyfriuts. Which by the way, can be bought for dirt cheap at the Wal-Mart.

Weekend Video

Hello to all of you out there in blogger land! I have really dropped the ball this week when it comes to posting. I will try to do better next week. But until then, enjoy this video of my MIL's boxer Daria playing tetherball. I was watching that dog go at the ball for quite sometime when I finally decided to go out and film a little bit. Happy weekend to all of you!

4th of July Fireworks extravaganza recap

Well, I hope that everyone had as much fun on the 4th of July as we did. Earlier in the week it was decided that we would go over to my Great Uncle Richard's lake houses on Mason Lake over in Western Washington. He and his wife Dorothy are two of the most generous people that you could ever hope to meet, and love to share whatever they can with pretty much whoever they can.

So with that being said, you can only imagine all that we had this weekend. First we will start off with the great lake we were on. Even though it didn't break 70 the whole time we were there, the water was very warm. And where their two lake houses sit you have the best view of the lake.

Richard and Dorothy provided all the food and drinks. You would wake up in the morning, and would be greeted by pancakes, french toast, yogurt, donuts, bagels, fruits, toast, juice, and milk. They even had lunch covered with sandwiches, bags of chips, and whatever kind of soda you wanted. And Dinner was more of the same with pulled pork, pulled beef, and all of the side dishes to go with it.

So it was a great 4th of July. I am so glad that the Sorenson clan (Too bad Courtney and Kelly had to work, they were missed all weekend.) decided to make the 5 hour trek over. I can't wait until 3 years from now when it will be our side of the family's turn to go again. It was truly a 4th to be remembered

Oh wait! I left out one eensy weensy tiny detail...we also had fireworks. Actually, let me rephrase that. We had the hugest frickin' home firework display EVER!!! It was incredible. You know the fireworks shows that they put on over at Gesa Field in Pasco, and the River of Fire Festival in Columbia Park in Kennewick. Well sir, they had nothing on the show I was able to witness over Mason Lake. All up and down the lake, people were lighting off their best fountains and mortars. Of course though, the best ones came from where I was sitting.

So my blog readers, for your viewing pleasure I took pictures of some of the fun little boxes that we got to see blow up. And I must say it was very impressive.

Here goes.

First of all, how many of you out there have heard of a sparkler bomb? I had no idea what all the very excited teenagers were talking about, but I soon found out. You take sparklers, duct tape them together, stick a fuse in the middle, light it, and stand VERY far away. These come in all sizes. The boys decided to try the ever popular 288 sparkler bomb. Yes, that is right 288 sparklers all taped up together. And being the teenage boys that they are, they taped the explosion. So here is the first taste gun powder magic that I was able to savor. Good thing we got there when we did Thursday night, or we might have missed it.

Amazing what has always been thought of as a kids firework can do when they work together huh? And like Mike said in the comments of this blog, they used two cinder blocks to hold this baby in place. And after it went off, well, lets just say there wasn't too much left of either of them. In fact, one peice went through a window of a house 3 doors down. I guess the guy was kind of upset about that, but at the same time wanted to make sure that it wasn't going to stop Richard from putting on the fireworks show the next night.

Now its time to show you what was in store for the show on the 4th. Every one of these are pretty impressive. And powerful. Good thing Dorothy has a brother in law who is like a pyro technician or something to that effect.

First up is Blonde Joke. None of the girls on the box got it though.

Next up we have Oktoberfest...who says Mormons can't celebrate this holiday? 36 shots of fireworks goodness!

Major Riot. Indeed.

Here we have the Wicked Wednesday. How powerful is one of these bad boys? I think anything labeled "500 gram series" has to pack a serious punch!The Unbelievable. And what a cool company name. How awesome would any guy feel being able to hand out a business card saying he works for Pyro King? I am willing to bet even a few ladies out there wouldn't mind either. I know this is called the Firefly, but I think the name goomba is more appropriate.

With a name like Heavy Metal, this one has to be good!

Did anyone out there in blog land even know that they make a 300 shot Saturn Missile? And I thought the 100 shot ones were cool. I was so wrong!

Who needs to go through all the hassle of being a rock star when you can just light off one of these. Did I mention how cool it would be to work for these guys?

This one was my favorite. I love how on a package marked Hydrogen Bomb you have two little stars smiling away, without a care in the world.

And here you have all of them wired together for a great show!

As you can see, we had a great show to watch. Sure we were rained down on with shrapnel from these bad boys from time to time, but it was all worth it.

There was just one more piece to the night, and although I did not go with the people who watched it firsthand (Hey, I have a job to protect after all. I didn't feel like getting arrested.) through the power of you tube I was able to see it, and so can all of you. I didn't get a picture of this "firework" but I was told what it was made of. One part Quaker Oats can. Many parts mortar shells opened and dumped inside, duct tape, and a very VERY long fuse!

So there you have it, the fireworks of the Brinkerhoff Family 4th of July, 2008. If you want to see other pics of the goings on, you might want to check out these blogs here, maybe here, and here. If they don't have stuff up tonight, they will tomorrow!

I hope that you all had as good as time as we did. Long live the U.S.A!

Weekend Video 4th of July Edition

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!!! BE SURE TO REMEMBER ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE OUR COUNTRY GREAT, AND BE PROUD THAT YOU HAVE RIGHTS THAT NO ONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD HAS. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!

And if these two brain stems haven't done themselves in already, go ahead and bless them too...I guess.

Even crazy men need dates every once in awhile

I don't know how many of you listen to Glenn Beck, but he is one of my favorite entertainment personalitlies. His show is a good mix of politics and humor. One of his favorite sayings is "Its not about left or right, its about right and wrong, and he will call out people who are morons.

Anyways, I was listening the other morning, and he was playing an asnwering maching message from a man named "Dmitrti" leaving a message for "Olga." This is both creepy and fun to listen to at the same time. I can't believe she doesn't call dude back. I mean afterall, he is working on a movie script, and he is a REAL catch!

Happy Thursday to you all, and enjoy the clip.

AND THE WINNER IS.....

OK, the winning name has been drawn, and the winner of a case of Dublin Dr. Pepper, the only Dr. Pepper made in the US of A with pure cane sugar is............

Drumroll please!!

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None other than Mr. Mike Brinkerhoff!

Mike was in a three way tie with Kim and Nicole, with each of them only missing 5 pictures! So I had to settle it by throwing their names into a hat. My lovely assistant Alexandra was the official contest name drawer, and the name she drew out of her Mickey Mouse ear hat was Mr. Mikeymix himself.

I would like to give a big thank you out to all of you who decided to play my little game. And from now on, whenever you receive an email with one of those pictures in it, you can know if you are looking at the real deal, or a big fat fake! And congrats once again to Mike!

Keep on coming back...you never know when I might spring another contest on you!

Real or Fake? Here are the answers!

OK, the entries have all been received, and I would like to thank all of you who played the game. It was a lot of fun going through the answers from the 13 people who gave it a shot. There is a three way tie for first place, and I will be announcing the winner on July 2nd. So until then, here are the answers to whether the photo was real or fake. I even have included the reference link for proof on some of the pics that I received the most varied answers on. So here we go!

1. Real

2. Fake
3. So Fake, but I had to throw in an easy one
4. Fake
5. Fake..but the USA is still the best place on earth!
6. Fake 7. Real, It is the Millau Bridge in Southern France

8. Real. That is a lot of Meow Mix

9. FAKE! This one really zinged people, because it was so well done. Check out the store on this pic here.

10. Real. Another one of those that might look fake but is real. Read about it here.

11. Fake. C'mon, there is not way.

12. Real. This is what happens when the lab rat making 10 bucks an hour doesn't properly clean a test tube. 13. Real
14. Real. For those of you who can't tell, that is a human arm they are holding up. That's right...man eating alligator. Or Croc. I don't know the difference. But read about it here.
15. Real...those crazy illegals!
16. Fake

17. This was a little hard to see, but it is a snake pulling another animal out of the water. I think it is a marmot or something like that. Read about it here. 18. Fake.
19.Real 20. Real. Dumb Pit bull...They never learn when enough is enough.
21. Fake. You might not like Dubya, but even you can't believe this is real for a second.

22. Fake

23. Real..and very big. This is another one of those pics that are real, but have a phone story with it. Get the real scoop right here.

24. Real
25. Real. And really cool!
26. Real. I bet those golfers haven't ran that fast in a while!

27. Real
28. Fake
29. Real...but unless you have a shoe fetish you might have never seen them before. Read more here.


30. Real
31. Real
32. Fake
33. Real. Dust storm in Iraq. As if fighting terrorists isn't difficult enough.
34. Real Cyclops kitty. Don't believe me? Check it here.

35. Real...It is a gator having deer jerky for dinner 36. Real

37. Fake

38. C'mon now, what do you think? fake.
39. Ha! REAL! I got most of you with this one. Read about "Moose" here!
40. Fake.
41. Real. It make you wonder that if Saddam had time to bury a frickin' MiG jet, doesn't it make sense he had time to move his weapons ops somewhere too?

42. Alas, this is real. Check it!
43. Real. From the outside, you can't see in. I still wouldn't use this facility though.

44. Real.
45. Fake..but if you think it is real, I will tell you about when I was abducted by aliens.
46. Real. Not a great day when you have worms growing in your eye socket.
47. Real. All the catfish wanted to do when he grew up was be a baller.

48. Real. And very very cool. Once again, god bless the USA and the brave men and women that defend her!!!
49. Real. Animals know where their safe spot are.

50. Fake.

So there you have it, all 50 pictures are now labeled what they are. Stay tuned for the announcement of the winner on Wednesday!