Travel Who? Travel John!

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend. And while I didn't have the same kind of 4th that I had last year, it was still great. Lisa's Sister Kristin, her Husband Matt, and their 6 kids came over from SLC, and we all had a jolly good time. And even though I was bested in a game of Risk by my nephew Jacob, I still extended the invitation for them to visit anytime.

OK, now to the post that I have been planning for the last 2 days. This weekend I was at Schucks to buy a couple auto related items, and an item caught my eye. At first I thought it was some joke box that someone had left on the shelf for a good laugh. But then I picked it up for a closer look, and it was indeed real.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the blog world, I present to you....The Travel John.

The picture on the box explains it all. Think about it:

Stuck on the Hollywood Freeway and have the urge to take a tinkle? The Travel John can take that tinkle (and the smell) so you can dump it out on Melrose.

Out camping and the only option is to use the port o potty that smells like a bathroom toilet used by 6 year olds trying to learn how to aim? The Travel John has a unisex adapter so both men and women can use it!

There are so many situations where The Travel John could come in handy!

I must say though my favorite part of this product is the testimonial page on their website. Here is a sample of a couple good ones:

I know of "TravelJohn" through a traffic school course that I attended. The instructor informed us of such a product. TravelJohn "saved my life" on a number of occasions..:-) I travel by planes. And somehow, many times when I just get off the airplane, I don't feel the need to "go". But when I get to my car in the parking structure, the system starts to "kick in", and to run all the way back inside the terminal would mean wet pants for me. And there I have it, TravelJohn. I get into the back seat of my dark-tinted car,... and the rest is history. :-) Thanks, L.N. 11/04/05.

Thanks for that visual of you in the back seat of your car L.N!

And then there is M.P.'s testimonial:

I just came back from a 2 week adventure in Mongolia. The #1 Travel-John saved me (+ 3 friends). Picture, if you will, us in a nomadic tent with 200-300 goats + sheep between us and our "toilet". (A hole in the ground). It is the middle of the night and the temperature is about 35 degree( its 36 degree in the tent!) Out comes #1 Travel-John to the rescue!! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For such an easy-to-use, clean GREAT product. -- M.P 8/28/00

Thanks for the M.P. I had no idea that goats and sheep accompanied people on adventure trips to Mongolia.

And then there is this one:

Hello, This is to let you know that we tried your Travel John Personal urinal for my double amputee husband, who is wheel chair bound. This product is wonderful!! Be it a trip on the access bus to the doctor, or out of tour in our vehicle, this is a great idea! It helps to discreetly and safely relieve handicapped, greatly reliving body and mind and less stress for the disabled and also the caregiver! It's the greatest thing since disposable undergarments for handicapped (adults) (Or ice cream J ).It gives peace of mind and security. Thanks, S.H. 02/28/05.

OK, a double amputee is not funny, but the thought of a double amputee's wife helping him relieve himself on a bus IS funny. I mean, I have had to go really bad before in the past while on the bus back home from the Benton/Franklin County Fair, but arms or not, I am not going to whip out a Travel John and mortify not only my kids, but the other occupants heading back to the Kamiakin High School parking lot.

Now the question I am looking for get answered here today. When Lisa, the girls, and I go on our trek down to California, should I believe the hype and stock up on Travel Johns, or stick with the McDonald's bathrooms we hit along the way?

Before you answer that question, review the instructions for avoiding a PEEmergency:

I think this just might make it on our trip. Even if we don't use it, I would love to tell fellow travelers we meet on the road how we didn't really have to stop here because we have a 3 pack of Travel Johns stashed in the glove box.

I can see the look on Lisa's face right now.

What To Do When Your Dog Is Gender Confused

OK, both of my dogs are female, but for some reason when one of their heat cycles come around, they both act very funny. Now when I say funny I don't just mean that they roll around on the grass. I guess the best way to explain it is to relay the following conversation Lisa told me last night that our girls had with her earlier that day. It went something like this:

Alexandra and Lorelai: "MOM!!! Do you want to see what the dogs were doing with each other IN THE HOUSE!?!"

Lisa: (Who is probably half expecting what they are going to do, since we have seen the dogs do it off and on for the last 2 years.) "Uh...OK...what did they do?"

Alexandra and Lorelai: "They did this!"

Aleandra then proceeds to get down on all fours, while Lorelai gets on top of her and starts bouncing up and down.

I am not making this up, I promise.

Lisa, who I can only imagine is trying to keep a straight face, tells the girls to stop what they are doing and then asked, "Where did you see the dogs do that?"

"Right over where they sit!" Alexandra and Lorelai say while pointing to the dog's official in the house spot.

"EWWWW!!" is about all Lisa can muster at this point.

Meanwhile the dogs are both sitting there watching this unfold with the most innocent looks on their faces, like they have no idea what Lisa and the girls are talking about.

While Lisa is telling me all of this, all I can think about is a cover of the old newstand magazine The Weekly World News. The headline read: "HOMOSEXUAL DOGS CAN BE CURED!"

I guess it is high time I start looking into what cure they may be talking about.

Oh, and for those of you out there who don't believe me when I say I have two lesbian labs, Lisa snapped a photo of it in 2007:

Very disturbing indeed.