Christmas lights and Twisted Sister

Lisa had a post up last week showing a picture of our house all decorated for Christmas, but those of you who might not also read her blog, (That number has to be very small, since most of my traffic comes from when she takes pity on my blog and links it up with hers.) I present to you the Sorenson house for Christmas 2008, starting on the porch and working its way out.

Next to the door we have none other than Mickey Mouse greeting visitors.

Since we like to go with a candy theme, there are candy canes lining the walkway to the front door.

Continuing with the candy theme, we have lollipops that we made out of Styrofoam, wooden dowels and colored plastic stuff.

This year I decided to use lights on the trees instead of the spotlights I had used in years' past. Normally I am NOT a white light fan for outdoor decorating, but it makes the trees look nice.

When we first moved into our house 3 years ago, we had the idea to put a classic waving Santa in this window. Now the other houses of this design in our neighborhood throw something up there too. But like in writing a comment in the blogging world, we claim FIRST!

Another shot of the front of the house so you can get a better look at Mr. Claus. (Yes Heidi, I know his feet don't show. It is supposed to be like he is starting down a chimney bringing Christmas goodness to the little boys and girls of the house.)

And lastly a shot of everything. Since I snapped this pic I finished wrapping the other garage door as a present, and put bows on both of them. If I get around to it I will post the new pic I have, but even without it you can get the idea. I also have the blue banner there on the left that says 'Merry Christmas' on it.

OK, now that I have the house pictures up, I need to explain the music playing on my blog. Last year I found out that Twisted Sister had decided to make a Christmas CD for their final release ever, and to celebrate 30 years as a band. Yes, the same guys that brought you classic Glam Rock hits such as "We're Not Going To Take It" and "I Want To Rock." The word I heard is that they wanted to put something out that would finish off Twisted Sister once and for all. (Which is funny to me...I figured they had been finished since 1988.)

Twisted Sister even returned to their "classic" lineup featuring lead vocalist Dee Snider, guitarists Jay Jay French and Eddie Ojeda, bassist Mark Mendoza and drummer A.J. Pero for this final album.

Now this is a Christmas CD that has been classified as "NFL" which in the Sorenson household stands for "Not For Lisa." Therefore I am relegated to rocking out to it in my car on the drive to and from work, and while at work. And since at work I sit across from my old man, I keep the volume down pretty low when I play it. I get the feeling he likes it about as much as Lisa does.

Of course, this CD wouldn't be complete if there wasn't a totally twisted video to go with it. Since I quit watching MTV a looong time ago (Not that they show videos anyway!) I have only been able to enjoy this via youtube. But instead of making you search for it yourself, I have include it right here.

Twisted? Yes. Tasteful? Not so much. But a fun rocking Christmas song? Oh yeah!

El Donaldo's Christmas gift buying guide for the cash strapped

Are you not getting your annual Christmas bonus this year due to cutbacks your company made? (Unless you are upper management that is...you will no doubt still get yours. So if that is the case, click on the 'next blog' link above. This post is not for you.)

Have you and your family decided that the amount spent on presents is going to be considerably lower this year?

Are you currently out of work, but still want to give your kids the best Christmas ever?

Well my friends, if you meet any or all of the criteria above, I have some good news! Just because you don't want to dish out your hard earned dough for the gifts that your children put on their wish list, there are a few things that even though your kids didn't list them, they will end up enjoying a whole lot more!

So without further ado, El Donaldo's Blogo brings you his

2008 CHRISTMAS GIFT BUYING GUIDE FOR THE CASH STRAPPED!

First on our list of gifts that cost next to nothing has been a kid favorite since its inception in the year 1874. What has been holding children's fancy for over 134 years??

The Cardboard Box

To an adult, a cardboard box might only be something that you use to mail things in, or yet another thing you have to try to dispose of when you buy a new appliance. But to a child, it is like a case of ice cream sandwiches that has fallen off the ice cream truck in the middle of July.

The possibilities are endless when it comes to things that you can make out of a cardboard box. Just a few options are:

Mini Pool Table

Once just reserved for Taverns and your Great Uncle's garage, you can now have your very own pool table! Great for children of many ages.

Rocket Ship

What kid would not want his very own rocket ship? Now really, if given the choice between a Polly Pocket or Transformer or cardboard rocket ship, show me the child who wouldn't pick option #3.

Racing Car

One of the premiere uses for a cardboard box is to make a car. As you can see above, it is easily decorated with that electrical cord that doesn't word anymore, and a leftover paper plate that wasn't used at Thanksgiving time.

What is that you say? Your child can't think up fun ideas on their own because the Nintendo has replaced the part of their brain that thinks creative thoughts? And how a cardboard box won't cut it for them because they won't know what to do with it? In that case, there is yet another thing you can do with a cardboard box!

Put it over your head

Not only will your child be able to walk out in that bright bright sunshine that he has grown accustomed to hiding from indoors, but his friends won't be able to see that he is actually outside playing instead of being a shut in.

Next on our list of cheap presents is something that you don't even have to go to the store for. You can find all of the materials in your own back yard.

Mud Pies

By the time that cardboard box starts to wear out it should be around mid May. Which is where the mud pie fits in perfectly. The weather is warmer, and if your children are anything like mine, they are itching to get outside and play. (Unless your kid is Nintendo boy. His box should still be in tip top condition.)

Whether you have infants

Or older children

Mud pies are a timeless classic. The best part is you already have the materials at home!

Coming in as the third item on our list this year is yet another item that you can get from your property. Unless that is you don't have a tree, then you might need to break a few off your neighbor's tree.

Sticks

A stick is just about as handy as a cardboard box. You can play swords with a good stick. You can mix up your mud pie with a stick. You can cook hot dogs over a campfire with a stick. You can even use a stick to poke at a hornet's nest with. While sticks probably wouldn't be good gifts for infants, I would say any child over 3 would love to see a bundle of sticks under the Christmas tree.

The best gift on our list has been saved for last. Now keep in mind that out of all the gifts listed, this one will cost the most money. But mark my words, more things can be done with this gift than any of the other ones listed above. Heck, even Nintendo boy can use it to prop up his game system so it doesn't over heat.

Duct Tape

This is the mother of all gifts! Do you realize all that can be done with duct tape??? Not only that, but this also would suffice as a gift for your husband. Go ahead, give him 2-3 rolls of duct tape instead of a new tie. You will be all he talks about to his friends for weeks on end. Even teens love duct tape! In case you can't see the picture I am painting, here are some uses for duct tape.

Makes a fine babysitter

Car needs new paint? Not if you have some duct tape!

Works great as a girdle...

...As well as a wallet...

...Or even a Formal Dress!!

If the above photos do not convince you that duct tape is a prime gift this holiday season, then maybe this one will. Duct tape can also be used to hide unsightly images out in public!


So there you have it. Several ideas for those of you looking to cut back this year. I hope you all enjoyed my gift buying guide this year. From all of us here at El Donaldo Blogo, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

My most memorable day after Thanksgiving memory

I was going to post this last Friday, but since most of you would either be:

A. Waking up at the crack of dawn to buy the new Elmo doll that your child will not be interested in by March.

B. Waking up to a ginormous mess in your house from the night before when all of your relatives’ enjoyed your cooking, but when it came time to clean up, they all had tummy aches.

-OR-

C. So sore from the turkey bowl football game that you played with your church. You know the one where you took the opening kickoff almost all the way to the house before feeling your butt muscle pull? The one where 10 minutes later you pulled your groin on the other side of your body, but were still able to have 4 catches and 2 touchdowns for the game?

I decided to wait until today to post it. Because whether you were shopping, cleaning, or nursing a sore butt muscle, the last thing on your mind would be to check your favorite blogs.

With all that being said, I now must warn you about today’s post. This is a day after Thanksgiving memory post, and it might be a little gross to some of you. So if you aren’t in the mood to read about what transpired the day after Thanksgiving 1989 to yours truly, go ahead and stop reading right now, and go admire the talking Elmo you cold cocked another person for 3 days ago.

Like I said, the year was 1989. I was 12 years old, and it was 4 days before Thanksgiving. I had been feeling very sick for a few days and had even thrown up once or twice. Since we were going to be leaving to go over to Bellevue to my Grandparents house in 2 days, my mom decided that it would be a good idea to take me to the Doctor. After all, the last thing you want to do as a parent is travel across the mountains with a boy who is hurling out the window as you drive.

After waiting the obligatory 45 minutes in the waiting room, we were called back by the nurse. Of course we all know that is followed up by another 20 minute wait in the exam room, but since this post isn’t about the headache that is going to the Doctor; I will stop harping on the subject. Dr. Beck entered into the room and did the usual checks on me. Eyes…check. Nose…check. Ears…check. Slamming the triangular rock into my knee…check. After a few words with my mom, Dr. Beck turns to me and informs me that I have some little bug, which will be gone by Thanksgiving and I will be able to eat all of the turkey and pie that I could stomach.

I was stoked to hear the news. I loved going over to my Grandma’s house for Thanksgiving. From the flattened out butter on the small light blue colored plate, to the bowl of ice cream that I would eat at night while my family watched the 10 o’clock news, the food just tasted better there.

As usual, we had a ton of people there for our Thanksgiving feast. We would line up another table with their dining room table so there could be room for the 20+ guests who were in attendance. My uncles Mike and/or Brian would have a whoopee cushion at the ready for when Grandma would get up to grab something out of the kitchen. You see us Brinkerhoff’s/Sorenson’s don’t believe in a quiet civilized Thanksgiving meal. I mean, where would the fun be in that??

That night I ate and ate, and when I didn’t think I could fit anything else in, I ate some more. I had been over my bug for about 48 hours, and felt fine. However, that “little bug” I had had one more kick left in it.

When I went to bed I felt totally fine. No upset stomach. No feeling like a fever was coming on. After a good night sleep in the room that was referred to as “The Black Hole”, I went downstairs to get some breakfast. When I walked into the kitchen, my grandma was sitting at the table eating her oatmeal. Across the room the TV was on KSTW 11. And it was right then and there that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to barf, and it was coming out no matter what I tried to do.

My mind was racing very fast with the thoughts on the best way to lose all that I had gorged myself on the night before. Running to the bathroom was out of the question, I would never have made it. I didn’t want to go towards the family room, because then the spew would have been all over the carpet. So I decided that the best thing to do would be to put my hand over my mouth and try to block whatever remnants of pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes were going to come up.

Looking back on the whole situation, putting my hand over my mouth wasn’t a very good idea. Why you ask? Before I answer that, you need to be familiar with the scene in the movie “Stand by Me” when Davie Hogan, a.k.a. Lardass Hogan starts to hurl after drinking a bottle of castor oil and swallowing a raw egg before he participates in the County Fair pie eating contest. Because that is how my upchuck chucked. It was a powerful stream of puke, and I had tried to block it with my hand.

So what happens when something that would later be referred to as “The Thanksgiving Power Barf of 1989” goes down? Well, for starters, remember that I was standing next to my poor Grandmother. The mess pouring from my pie hole squirted out of the sides of my mouth and into her shoes, all over the table where her bowl of oatmeal sat, and all over her. It goes without saying that she wasn’t too thrilled to be covered with the meal that she so tirelessly slaved over the night before. Especially since said meal smelled waaay different than it did 12 hours prior.

Right at the moment the power barf hit, my uncle Mike was coming out of the laundry room that was hooked onto the Dining Room. He saw the whole thing. Of course since he was not involved with what had just transpired, it was the funniest thing in the whole world to him.

After much yelling and screaming from my Grandma, the mess was cleaned up. (I can’t imagine why she was sooo upset. Kids throw up all the time.) But the memory of my power barf would live on forever. I look back on it fondly, as does Mike. My Grandma though? Probably not so much.

Oh yes, and one thing I did forget to mention. While I still believe that I wouldn’t have made it to the Bathroom that I had in mind, I would have made it to the one that was right off of the Laundry room.

So there you have it, my most memorable day after Thanksgiving moment.

Are there any after Thanksgiving moments you hold dear?

The tale of the two Target bathrooms

Last week when I was reading this post, I was about to comment on a similar situation that I had many years ago, but decided that it was good post material. Of course I then forgot that I was going to write it. But when I went back to Mike's blog again today, it refreshed my memory, so here goes.

One day many years ago, before Lisa and I had any children, we went to Target to do some shopping. I really had to go to the bathroom, and kind of hurried into the store so I could relieve myself. Now I had only used the Kennewick Target's bathroom only one time before, and in my mind it was the first door you can to.

Without looking up at the sign (Like I said, I knew which one was the men's room!) I entered into the bathroom. Upon entering the bathroom, I found it a little odd that there were no urinals in the men's room at this Target. In fact, I had never seen a bathroom where there were so many loos lined up in a row. But since I really had to go, I pick a stall somewhere in the middle, and went about doing my business.

I had been in there less than 30 seconds, when all of a sudden I heard Lisa walk in and call out for me. I couldn't believe it!! How dare she come into the men's room?? The nerve of her! I yelled at her to get out, and that if someone saw her in the men's room she was going to get into trouble.

Up to this point I was still convinced that I was in the men's room. The thought had not crossed my mind that this could possibly be a women's bathroom. But right as I went to flush, I heard Lisa speak these chilling words: "YOU ARE IN THE WOMEN'S ROOM, NOT THE MEN'S ROOM!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING????"

I jumped out at the stall ready to tell Lisa off, and that she was wrong. But by now I had serious doubts in my mind that I was actually in the right place. It wasn't until I looked over on the wall and saw the tampon dispenser that I had known for sure I had made a horrible mistake.

Luckily, I was able to make it out before any other ladies came in. And I seem to remember seeing all the stall doors (except mine) open, so no one other than Lisa had to ever know that I was in there. And when I finally made it back into the hallway, I looked at the door. Sure enough, there was Mrs. Bathroom on the door adorned in her black dress with stick arms and legs sticking out.

No El Donaldo, this is NOT the Men's room!

It was many months, perhaps years, before I was able to enter into Target again without Lisa asking me if I had to go to the bathroom. Of course when she reads this, the taunting just might start back up again.

Going through The Amazing Race, one misstep at a time.

One of our favorite shows to watch is The Amazing Race on CBS. Lisa started watching around Season 3, and I was hooked during Season 4. Over the years I have seen some teams that were very smart, athletic, but don’t catch any of the lucky breaks you need to win the race. And then there have been teams that would make Al Gore look like a genius and lose to a one legged man in a butt kicking contest. But for some reason have all the luck in the world, no matter how they Forrest Gump their way through things. For some strange reason, the latter team mentioned always seems to go far in the race. Do they win? Not a chance. Do they knock out teams that are far superior in athletic ability and brains? Yes they do. Which goes to show how much of the game is luck more than anything.

This year the team that falls under the latter category mentioned is a team of frat brothers from Arizona State. Officially they are Dan and Andrew, but they are known affectionately by the other race contestants as 'Dandrew.'

I prefer to call them by a different name. To me, instead of the frat boys, they are the fat boys. What is the reasoning behind this you may ask? It is because this team of nitwits has waddled their way through the entire race. It looks as if they are putting no effort into it at all. In fact, in one of the more recent episodes, Andrew (I think he is the one in the blue shirt.) was actually trying to run up a hill so they could get to their next clue. So what does the bumbling Dan do? He gets mad at his racing partner, telling him that he is going too fast, and he should be walking back with him because they are a team. What? Are you kidding me? You are racing for ONE MILLION DOLLARS!! Frickin Dr. Evil was willing to set off a nuclear weapon for that amount. But I guess to these brain stems it isn't all that big of a deal to win the money.

If you don't watch the show, all you need to see of these two fools is in the clip below. The assignment was to march across a field with some Russian Soldiers. Every other team had no problem doing the march. Just see what happens when Arizona State's finest take on the challenge.



Since the beginning of the season, I have been trying to figure out who these two Mensa's reminded me of. And then it came to me. I have seen these guys before. They were in a movie together! Hmm...lets see...one went by the name Arnold Poindexter, and the other was named Gilbert Lowell. Oh yes, that's it! They were in The Revenge of the Nerds!!

This all makes perfect sense. Dandrew were apart of a frat house at Arizona State. Poindexter and Gilbert were members of the Lambda Lambda Lambda, or Tri-Lambds, and in the movie, they were in Arizona. Dandrew believes that they are cool because they were in a frat house. Of course it might have been a frat house of misfits, but who is going to know?

So, mystery has been solved. I know fully understand the dynamic duo that is Dandrew. Now that I have outed their true identities, maybe their luck will run dry. That, or they will forget their shoes someplace again, and have to run in their socks...again.

Toilet Bowl..err Apple Cup time!!!

I would like to wish the Washington State Cougars good luck today. It has been a long suffering season to this point. Hopefully they can pull a win out today. It is a good thing that the Washington Huskies are a crappy team too. Maybe, just maybe, it will make for a good game.

GO COUGS!!!!!!!!

There is no such thing as a free lunch..but what about a free soda?

I was just reading this ladies blog, and I am glad that I did. Because if I hadn't read it, I would not have known about Dr. Pepper giving away free 20 oz sodas starting this Sunday. Read all about it here!

Democrat, Republican, or Redneck?

OK, once again, I can't take credit for this. I received it via email, (several times in fact) but since I haven't gotten around to working on my next post, I figured this would be a fun test to post until I have the time to do something of my own.

The question is: Are you a Democrat, Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is the scenario:

You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Answers are found below.

A. Democrat answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.


B. Republican answer:

BANG!

C. Redneck Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

(Sound of gun reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click.

Daughter: Nice grouping Daddy! Were those Winchester Silver tips, or Hydrashocks?

Son: NO FAIR! Can I shoot the next one???

Wife: Ain't no way you are taking THAT to the Taxidermist!


This concludes testing for the day. Please turn in your comments, so I can grade how well you did. Thank you for participating.

Can't Hardly Wait For This One!

So last night I went and saw the new Bond flick. It was good and all, but the most exciting part of the night was the trailer I saw before the movie. I was so stoked. For your viewing enjoyment, (and for those who have not seen the new Bond flick) I bring you the trailer for the new Star Trek movie. In the words of Napoleon Dynamite..."Flippin' Sweet!"

A Holy War of Sorts

When the Catholics and Presbyterians battle, anything goes!