New U.S. Army Complaint form

Now that the era of President Barrack Hussein Obama has been ushered in, there have been a few changes with how our military goes about things.  The biggest difference that the public may notice is the reduction in troops from Iraq.  Of course this was already planned by the previous President, George Walker Bush, but as everyone knows, it is all Bush’s fault for EVERYTHING, and President Obama can do no wrong.

 

No, seriously, Obama is the messiah…it isn’t in his being to make mistakes.  (The teleprompter sees to that.)

 

One of the changes that the general public doesn’t know about is President Obama’s new guidelines for reporting meanness in the military.  Since bullets will soon be replaced with handing out daisies to our enemies in hopes they will want to solve everything by talking instead of fighting (So far so good right?  I know that Iran and North Korea think so!), our troops attitudes need to be softened towards their fellow human beings.  Therefore, a new Army complaint form has been issued.  It has been directed to military members that whenever someone feels that they have been wronged to fill out this form and the problem will be taken care of right away.

 

I want this to work as much as you do.  Hopefully this form will be a step in the right direction, and instead of being at odds with places like Cuba, Venezuela, Iran, and North Korea, we can join them in their far superior way of life (And government!), and all be the best of friends!

The Death of an American Music Icon

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson

August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

Ignorance is bliss, especially when you are an uninformed environmentalist

Actual conversation I had after work yesterday with some envirohippie:

Envirohippie: "Hey, how did you have your car converted to hydro carbon? Does it run cleaner now?"

Me: "Oh I didn't switch anything. It was a limited release from Honda back in 1996, and it runs great!"

Envirohippie: "Wow, that is so cool. It is nice when the younger generation takes interest in saving the earth."

Me: "Uh...yeah. Have a good one."

Thank you Glenn Beck. Your sticker made this conversation possible.

Want your own sticker for your CAR/TRUCK/SUV? Click here!

Just in case you ever feel like you are a bad parent....these brainstems prove otherwise

There….doesn’t that make you feel better about your parenting skills?

Electricity...not just for TV's, Radios, and capital punishment anymore

A few weeks back I had to take an electrical safety course out at work. You see, we have a lot of new people coming in, and they want to reiterate just how dangerous electricity can be not only at work, but in your own home too. There is enough flow of electricity in your home to do this kind of damage. In fact, for the last year or so I have wanted to remove the annoying outlet covers that Lisa had installed on EVERY outlet in the house. It is a bother when every time you go to use an outlet you have to practically sell your soul to the devil to open up one of those covers. But after both the class I took and watching this video, I think I will leave them on until our girls are able to comprehend the true danger of electricity.

With that being said, the video looks like it might be from India. If you haven’t already watched it I must warn you that it might be a little graphic to some people. But every once in a while people need to see something like this to be reminded of the danger that electricity causes. Oh, and I am not a Doctor, but I don’t think the guy survived. I could be wrong, but usually when someone bursts into flames after being electrocuted they are on their way to meet their maker.

Happy Wednesday, and be safe around electricity!

El Donaldo's Favorite Email of the week

 

Recently Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a soup kitchen.

 

Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter    $0.00 dollars

Having Michelle Obama serve you your soup $0.00 dollars

Snapping a picture of  a homeless person who is receiving government funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500 BlackBerry cell phone Priceless

Human kindness at its best

 

I know that I haven’t blogged in a while, but when you have a wife who also blogs and covers just about everything that happens in your family, sometimes it is hard to find material.  Sure I could go on about politics day and night, but I would like for El Donaldo readers to come away with something a little bit more than, “Our country is in shambles, and President Obama is only making it worse.”

 

So today I present to you a story I was emailed last week.  I do not know if this story is true, but that isn’t the point.

 

The Baseball Game

 

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

“When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued, “I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they'll let me play?” I knew most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.”

A Moment of a Lifetime

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all teammates.

Run Home, Shay!

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!”

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!”

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, “Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay!”

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to third! Shay, run to third!”

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!”

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.”

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home to his mother's tearful embrace of her little hero of the day!

 

There are some people who would read this story and would be offended that the boys pretended there was nothing wrong with Shay instead of recognizing the abilities he did have as a disabled person.  They may say these boys were part of the problem the world has in dealing with people who are disabled.  But I choose to look at it this way: Through their actions they made Shay happy.  Sure, they could have just stuck him in the game, and the opposing pitcher could have whizzed three fastballs right by him to end the game.  Shay would have still been thrilled to have played in a real baseball game.  But they didn’t.  Instead they gave Shay a memory that would stay with him for the rest of his life.

I know that if anyone ever did this for my Elisabeth, it would make me happy to know that even though it wasn’t real, it would seem so to her.

 

 

 

Greatest Baseball Play in History

This came across my inbox today.  I had never heard of or seen this before, but it is nice to see someone save the flag from two dirty hippie bastards trying to burn it during a baseball game.  If for some reason the video doesn't show up, you can watch it here.

 

On another note, I don't know how many of you watch The Amazing Race on CBS, but if you do, I hope you agree with me when I say that if a chance to win 1 million dollars is on the line and I am only minutes ahead of the next team, you better believe I would pee my pants instead of wasting my time doing it in a honey bucket.  I was rooting for the sister team to make it, but after that stunt they pulled they no longer deserved to be in the final.

 

Have a good week everyone.

But they were at a consensus!

Some of you may have noticed that in my Earth Day post I used the word “consensus” several times. My reason for that was to set up this post. You see, over the years scientists and others who are considered experts in their fields have come to conclusions on major issues that for a time, change the way the world spins around. Then later on, those conclusions go up in a puff of smoke, and are never heard from or considered viable opinions again.

Today I present you with 5 things that during their time, scientists were positive they were right. There was a consensus by golly! Case closed! The debate is over! But they ended up being wrong. The first case I bring before you has to do with boobs. Not real boobs mind you, but the fake variety.

SILICONE IMPLANTS

As you know, some women just aren’t happy with their chest size. While pieces of toilet paper and push up bras work fine for the outward appearance, some women would rather have something that they don’t have to prepare every morning. This is where fake boobage comes in.

For those of you who are not up on your fake boob history, there are two kinds of breast implants: saline and silicone. Back in the early 1960’s, Dow Corning developed the first silicone prototypes for women. They proved very popular, but by the decade of decadence (Duh, the 1980’s dude.) medical researchers were warning women who were looking for the perfect bust that there was a dangerous link between silicone implants and serious health problems such as breast cancer, auto-immune disorders, and neurological conditions.

Much to the disappointment of the general male population, silicone implant manufacturers found themselves under attack from seedy lawyers whose offices were located in a strip mall next to a liquor store, to the big time personal injury lawyers located in posh business parks. In the next 2 decades, nearly 400,000 injury claims were filed against Dow Corning, with an additional 20,000 lawsuits on the books against them. Because of the severe backlash, Dow Corning not only completely halted manufacturing silicone implants; they also paid out about 3.2 billion dollars in claims. Of course by then the company that started in 1942 when Dr. Shailer Bass developed silicone grease (Dow Corning #4 Compound) that made high altitude flight possible was in complete disarray and was forced to file for bankruptcy.

Take that Dow Corning!! A big evil corporation that had been manufacturing a product that was a potential killer had been taken down! There is just one miniscule problem. Today the scientific consensus overwhelmingly agrees there is zero evidence that links silicone breast implants to any female health problems.

The next case brings us to something loved the world over, and little did we know it could also be a killer!

RED M&M’S

They may melt in your mouth and not in your hand, but there is something else you may not know M&M’s were thought to do at one time: Kill you! Back in the bicentennial year of 1976, Soviet scientists warned the world that FD&C Red No.2 food dye was a suspected carcinogen. You really have to ask yourself one question though. Why during the cold war would we pay attention to what Soviet scientists had to say? Were they just mad that others were using the color red?

The Food and Drug Administration did their own tests on Red No.2, and even though tests were inconclusive, the FDA decided to ban the additive anyway. This set off a widespread panic about every foodstuff colored red. And even though red M&M’s never even contained FD&C Red No.2, Mars banished the red ones to the same candy hell that also housed lime flavored Starbursts. The red M&M stayed away until 1987, when it was brought back by popular demand. I guess by that point people were so hard up for the red ones they didn’t care 11 years ago they were afraid to eat them.

Now here is the kicker. More than 30 years later, there is still no evidence that the red dye actually poses any threat to humans. What a surpise!

So if red M&M’s were bad, what about one of nature’s red fruits? Buyers beware of the dangerous….

APPLE JUICE

Who doesn’t love a nice glass of apple juice in the morning, noon, or night? Would you still love the juice if it could give you cancer? Once upon a time, apple growers in the United States sprayed their orchards with an agricultural chemical known as Alar. In the mid 1980’s scientists started to report that Alar was causing cancer in lab mice. The American Academy of Pediatrics lobbied the EPA to ban the chemical so no children would have to be stricken with cancer. You even had the actress Meryl Streep film a PSA to warn about apple juice containing Alar residue. In fact, Ms. Streep even testified before congress as an “expert witness.”

Before you knew it, grocery stores stopped accepting shipments of apples. Families across the country were dumping gallons and gallons of apple juice down the sink in fear they may have already given their children cancer. Apple growers around the U.S. lost hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue.

With that being said, for once the scientists were right….kind of. You see, Alar IS a carcinogen, there is no denying that. However, further studies found that a person would need to drink about FIVE THOUSAND GALLONS of apple juice a DAY to present a measurable health risk. I love my apple juice almost as much as I love my coca-cola, but I feel safe in the fact that drinking 5000 gallons of anything in one day will kill me via water poisoning before the cancer would have a chance to take hold.

LIVING UNDER POWER LINES

This scientific finding came about because of a flawed study done in 1979 by an epidemiologist. The study hinted at a possible link between suburban cases of childhood leukemia and residential power lines. The culprit: EMF’s or Electromagnetic fields from the high voltage wires. Countless follow-up studies have no found connection whatsoever between EMF’s and any significant health risks. But this is a prime example of what happens when one nut bar scientist with a half-baked idea gives new life to the EMF scare.

Other examples of this scare are:

1. Talking on your cell phone for prolonged periods of time.
2. Sleeping under an electric blanket during wintertime (Or in my beautiful wife’s case, anytime of the year.) raises the risk of pregnant women giving birth to a child with serious defects.
3. A male police officer holding a radar speed gun next to the boys down below increases the risk of testicular cancer.

Many people out there hold these theories to be true since they have received 17,398 email warnings from John Hopkins University saying just that. In reality subsequent EMF studies have not uncovered any convincing evidence that proves they are harmful.

Now it is time for my favorite one, mostly because it is completely contradictory to what they go on and on about now.

THE NEXT ICE AGE

In the 1970’s climatologists were certain we were heading for the next great ice age. The world was cooling at an alarming rate, they said. Average global temperatures had been trending downward since 1940, and there was no end in sight. But people were skeptical. Some of the older generations remembered that scientists has also rang the bell on global cooling in the 1920’s, but by the 1930’s were claiming that global warming was now happening and was unstoppable. And of course by the 1970’s those crazy climatologists were back on the cooling bandwagon again.

But this time it was different they said! The evidence backing up global cooling was sound!! They were at a consensus that evidence was irrefutable we would all freeze to death!!! In order for the world to survive the freezing temps drastic action must be taken to reverse the inevitable!!!

Proposed solutions included intentionally melting the polar ice cap by covering it with black soot. That is an idea that would even make Al Gore proud.

Instead, we decided on another solution; we chose not to listen to the experts. And everybody knows how global cooling played out in the end right?

There are many other examples of science (GASP!) being wrong. One I did not mention was the impending population boom that was going to wipe out earth’s population. This, my friends is one of the many reasons I refuse to buy into the global warming scare. If the day comes that I am forced to live on a boat like Kevin Costner in Waterworld, I will then have no choice but to change my mind and say I am sorry I doubted them. Until that day comes, I will conduct business as normal. Hopefully most of you will come to a “consensus” on that.

Killer Queen Version 2.0

After killing brain cells yesterday doing so much thinking/writing about Earth Day I decided to kill off brain cells the way the rest of America does and talk about something that has captivated America every year from January to June for the last 8 years.  That’s right; I am talking about American Idol.  Now, when AI started way back in 2001 I was down for watching it.  The beginning of every season does a great job of showing everything that is wrong in America.  What I mean is it gives you a snapshot of what happens when every day of a kid’s life they are told by their parents, teachers, coaches, friends, relatives, and internet chat rooms that they are really good at something when in all actuality they not only suck at it, but should have tried something else a long time ago.  It shows what the consequences are from giving the team that comes in last place a trophy, and a note telling them that since they tried their hardest, they are winners too.

 

If I have lost you here let me explain myself.  Every year at the beginning of A.I., you will inevitably have a great many of contestants on the show get up in front of the judges with the confidence that because their Parents and Grandparents told them how wonderful they are at singing while in the shower they could be the next American Idol.  But after 15 seconds of them destroying Stevie Wonder or Celine Dion every single man, woman, and child in America (not to mention the judges sitting there having to listen first hand to the hot mess.) knows that they just witnessed crappiness at its finest.  At that same moment we witness an epic fail, the person who sang the song truly believes they just blew away Simon Cowell and Co.  It isn’t until Randy says dog in a disparaging tone 5-6 times, Paula gets that look on her face like the last swig of gin out of the Coca-cola cup in from of her had gone bad, and Simon perks up knowing he is about to destroy someone for the first time in their life that said person has any idea they just sucked it up.  Of course this is followed by tears, and hug from Mom and Grandma wearing identical tweedy bird shirts who are telling their little shooting star how the judges were so unfair to them, and how next year when they audition again the judges will see how they made a mistake. 

 

This alone is worth watching the show to me.  It is also why Simon Cowell is the man, and more people should be like him.  Of course if more people were like Simon, millions of kids across America would realize early on in life that maybe they should try to be good at something else.  But even the joy I have gotten the last few years out of the first few weeks has greatly faded to the point where I don’t really pay any attention to A.I.  That is until this season.  That is until Adam Lambert decided to show up and blow away everyone, including the normally unflappable Simon Cowell.

 

If you don’t watch A.I. regularly, I suggest that you at least find out when Adam is singing, and tune in just to watch him go at it.  Never in all of the years of A.I. have I seen a contestant as well rounded as Mr. Lambert.  He can go the flamboyant rout, and the very next week goes the straight laced 50’s school boy rout.  He can hit notes that only eunuchs and young choir boys.  He can do just about anything he wants to up on stage, and the judges, as well as America, will talk about it for the rest of the week.

 

Every time I watch Adam perform he reminded me of someone.  It wasn’t until last week when I was talking to one of my co-workers that I figured out who.  Adam is Freddie Mercury from Queen reincarnated.  It is as simple as that.  I mean, look at the similarities:

 

1.      Both have dark hair

2.      Both have the ability to be as flamboyant as Elton John, yet as badass as Dave Grohl.

3.      Both are loved by women, but loved even more by men.

4.      Both have enough confidence in their abilities they can sell it to whoever is watching.

 

 

I never thought that there would anyone like Freddie Mercury in the music world again.  But then along came this kid.  When he wins American Idol he has the ability to blow away any other artist to be produced by the show. This all begs the question:  Where has he been all the other seasons this show has been on?  Every year I think this when they find new contestants, but really, where was he the year we had to listen to that douche bag Taylor Hicks?  No offense to Taylor, but he wouldn’t even be allowed to carry Adam’s ruby encrusted knapsack for him.  Taylor would be lucky enough to push one of the brooms that sweep the stage at the end of the night after Adam kicked butt all over it earlier in the day.

 

So for at least one more season, I will watch A.I.  This one guy makes it totally worth it.  You go Adam.  Freddie Mercury would be so proud.