Travel Who? Travel John!

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend. And while I didn't have the same kind of 4th that I had last year, it was still great. Lisa's Sister Kristin, her Husband Matt, and their 6 kids came over from SLC, and we all had a jolly good time. And even though I was bested in a game of Risk by my nephew Jacob, I still extended the invitation for them to visit anytime.

OK, now to the post that I have been planning for the last 2 days. This weekend I was at Schucks to buy a couple auto related items, and an item caught my eye. At first I thought it was some joke box that someone had left on the shelf for a good laugh. But then I picked it up for a closer look, and it was indeed real.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the blog world, I present to you....The Travel John.

The picture on the box explains it all. Think about it:

Stuck on the Hollywood Freeway and have the urge to take a tinkle? The Travel John can take that tinkle (and the smell) so you can dump it out on Melrose.

Out camping and the only option is to use the port o potty that smells like a bathroom toilet used by 6 year olds trying to learn how to aim? The Travel John has a unisex adapter so both men and women can use it!

There are so many situations where The Travel John could come in handy!

I must say though my favorite part of this product is the testimonial page on their website. Here is a sample of a couple good ones:

I know of "TravelJohn" through a traffic school course that I attended. The instructor informed us of such a product. TravelJohn "saved my life" on a number of occasions..:-) I travel by planes. And somehow, many times when I just get off the airplane, I don't feel the need to "go". But when I get to my car in the parking structure, the system starts to "kick in", and to run all the way back inside the terminal would mean wet pants for me. And there I have it, TravelJohn. I get into the back seat of my dark-tinted car,... and the rest is history. :-) Thanks, L.N. 11/04/05.

Thanks for that visual of you in the back seat of your car L.N!

And then there is M.P.'s testimonial:

I just came back from a 2 week adventure in Mongolia. The #1 Travel-John saved me (+ 3 friends). Picture, if you will, us in a nomadic tent with 200-300 goats + sheep between us and our "toilet". (A hole in the ground). It is the middle of the night and the temperature is about 35 degree( its 36 degree in the tent!) Out comes #1 Travel-John to the rescue!! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For such an easy-to-use, clean GREAT product. -- M.P 8/28/00

Thanks for the M.P. I had no idea that goats and sheep accompanied people on adventure trips to Mongolia.

And then there is this one:

Hello, This is to let you know that we tried your Travel John Personal urinal for my double amputee husband, who is wheel chair bound. This product is wonderful!! Be it a trip on the access bus to the doctor, or out of tour in our vehicle, this is a great idea! It helps to discreetly and safely relieve handicapped, greatly reliving body and mind and less stress for the disabled and also the caregiver! It's the greatest thing since disposable undergarments for handicapped (adults) (Or ice cream J ).It gives peace of mind and security. Thanks, S.H. 02/28/05.

OK, a double amputee is not funny, but the thought of a double amputee's wife helping him relieve himself on a bus IS funny. I mean, I have had to go really bad before in the past while on the bus back home from the Benton/Franklin County Fair, but arms or not, I am not going to whip out a Travel John and mortify not only my kids, but the other occupants heading back to the Kamiakin High School parking lot.

Now the question I am looking for get answered here today. When Lisa, the girls, and I go on our trek down to California, should I believe the hype and stock up on Travel Johns, or stick with the McDonald's bathrooms we hit along the way?

Before you answer that question, review the instructions for avoiding a PEEmergency:

I think this just might make it on our trip. Even if we don't use it, I would love to tell fellow travelers we meet on the road how we didn't really have to stop here because we have a 3 pack of Travel Johns stashed in the glove box.

I can see the look on Lisa's face right now.

What To Do When Your Dog Is Gender Confused

OK, both of my dogs are female, but for some reason when one of their heat cycles come around, they both act very funny. Now when I say funny I don't just mean that they roll around on the grass. I guess the best way to explain it is to relay the following conversation Lisa told me last night that our girls had with her earlier that day. It went something like this:

Alexandra and Lorelai: "MOM!!! Do you want to see what the dogs were doing with each other IN THE HOUSE!?!"

Lisa: (Who is probably half expecting what they are going to do, since we have seen the dogs do it off and on for the last 2 years.) "Uh...OK...what did they do?"

Alexandra and Lorelai: "They did this!"

Aleandra then proceeds to get down on all fours, while Lorelai gets on top of her and starts bouncing up and down.

I am not making this up, I promise.

Lisa, who I can only imagine is trying to keep a straight face, tells the girls to stop what they are doing and then asked, "Where did you see the dogs do that?"

"Right over where they sit!" Alexandra and Lorelai say while pointing to the dog's official in the house spot.

"EWWWW!!" is about all Lisa can muster at this point.

Meanwhile the dogs are both sitting there watching this unfold with the most innocent looks on their faces, like they have no idea what Lisa and the girls are talking about.

While Lisa is telling me all of this, all I can think about is a cover of the old newstand magazine The Weekly World News. The headline read: "HOMOSEXUAL DOGS CAN BE CURED!"

I guess it is high time I start looking into what cure they may be talking about.

Oh, and for those of you out there who don't believe me when I say I have two lesbian labs, Lisa snapped a photo of it in 2007:

Very disturbing indeed.

New U.S. Army Complaint form

Now that the era of President Barrack Hussein Obama has been ushered in, there have been a few changes with how our military goes about things.  The biggest difference that the public may notice is the reduction in troops from Iraq.  Of course this was already planned by the previous President, George Walker Bush, but as everyone knows, it is all Bush’s fault for EVERYTHING, and President Obama can do no wrong.

 

No, seriously, Obama is the messiah…it isn’t in his being to make mistakes.  (The teleprompter sees to that.)

 

One of the changes that the general public doesn’t know about is President Obama’s new guidelines for reporting meanness in the military.  Since bullets will soon be replaced with handing out daisies to our enemies in hopes they will want to solve everything by talking instead of fighting (So far so good right?  I know that Iran and North Korea think so!), our troops attitudes need to be softened towards their fellow human beings.  Therefore, a new Army complaint form has been issued.  It has been directed to military members that whenever someone feels that they have been wronged to fill out this form and the problem will be taken care of right away.

 

I want this to work as much as you do.  Hopefully this form will be a step in the right direction, and instead of being at odds with places like Cuba, Venezuela, Iran, and North Korea, we can join them in their far superior way of life (And government!), and all be the best of friends!

The Death of an American Music Icon

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson

August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

Ignorance is bliss, especially when you are an uninformed environmentalist

Actual conversation I had after work yesterday with some envirohippie:

Envirohippie: "Hey, how did you have your car converted to hydro carbon? Does it run cleaner now?"

Me: "Oh I didn't switch anything. It was a limited release from Honda back in 1996, and it runs great!"

Envirohippie: "Wow, that is so cool. It is nice when the younger generation takes interest in saving the earth."

Me: "Uh...yeah. Have a good one."

Thank you Glenn Beck. Your sticker made this conversation possible.

Want your own sticker for your CAR/TRUCK/SUV? Click here!

Just in case you ever feel like you are a bad parent....these brainstems prove otherwise

There….doesn’t that make you feel better about your parenting skills?

Electricity...not just for TV's, Radios, and capital punishment anymore

A few weeks back I had to take an electrical safety course out at work. You see, we have a lot of new people coming in, and they want to reiterate just how dangerous electricity can be not only at work, but in your own home too. There is enough flow of electricity in your home to do this kind of damage. In fact, for the last year or so I have wanted to remove the annoying outlet covers that Lisa had installed on EVERY outlet in the house. It is a bother when every time you go to use an outlet you have to practically sell your soul to the devil to open up one of those covers. But after both the class I took and watching this video, I think I will leave them on until our girls are able to comprehend the true danger of electricity.

With that being said, the video looks like it might be from India. If you haven’t already watched it I must warn you that it might be a little graphic to some people. But every once in a while people need to see something like this to be reminded of the danger that electricity causes. Oh, and I am not a Doctor, but I don’t think the guy survived. I could be wrong, but usually when someone bursts into flames after being electrocuted they are on their way to meet their maker.

Happy Wednesday, and be safe around electricity!

El Donaldo's Favorite Email of the week

 

Recently Michelle Obama went to serve food to the homeless at a soup kitchen.

 

Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter    $0.00 dollars

Having Michelle Obama serve you your soup $0.00 dollars

Snapping a picture of  a homeless person who is receiving government funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500 BlackBerry cell phone Priceless

Human kindness at its best

 

I know that I haven’t blogged in a while, but when you have a wife who also blogs and covers just about everything that happens in your family, sometimes it is hard to find material.  Sure I could go on about politics day and night, but I would like for El Donaldo readers to come away with something a little bit more than, “Our country is in shambles, and President Obama is only making it worse.”

 

So today I present to you a story I was emailed last week.  I do not know if this story is true, but that isn’t the point.

 

The Baseball Game

 

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

“When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued, “I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

Then he told the following story:

Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they'll let me play?” I knew most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.”

A Moment of a Lifetime

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.

Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all teammates.

Run Home, Shay!

Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!”

Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!”

Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, “Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay!”

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to third! Shay, run to third!”

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!”

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.”

Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home to his mother's tearful embrace of her little hero of the day!

 

There are some people who would read this story and would be offended that the boys pretended there was nothing wrong with Shay instead of recognizing the abilities he did have as a disabled person.  They may say these boys were part of the problem the world has in dealing with people who are disabled.  But I choose to look at it this way: Through their actions they made Shay happy.  Sure, they could have just stuck him in the game, and the opposing pitcher could have whizzed three fastballs right by him to end the game.  Shay would have still been thrilled to have played in a real baseball game.  But they didn’t.  Instead they gave Shay a memory that would stay with him for the rest of his life.

I know that if anyone ever did this for my Elisabeth, it would make me happy to know that even though it wasn’t real, it would seem so to her.

 

 

 

Greatest Baseball Play in History

This came across my inbox today.  I had never heard of or seen this before, but it is nice to see someone save the flag from two dirty hippie bastards trying to burn it during a baseball game.  If for some reason the video doesn't show up, you can watch it here.

 

On another note, I don't know how many of you watch The Amazing Race on CBS, but if you do, I hope you agree with me when I say that if a chance to win 1 million dollars is on the line and I am only minutes ahead of the next team, you better believe I would pee my pants instead of wasting my time doing it in a honey bucket.  I was rooting for the sister team to make it, but after that stunt they pulled they no longer deserved to be in the final.

 

Have a good week everyone.