Thursday, November 20, 2008

Democrat, Republican, or Redneck?

OK, once again, I can't take credit for this. I received it via email, (several times in fact) but since I haven't gotten around to working on my next post, I figured this would be a fun test to post until I have the time to do something of my own.

The question is: Are you a Democrat, Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is the scenario:

You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Answers are found below.

A. Democrat answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.


B. Republican answer:

BANG!

C. Redneck Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

(Sound of gun reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click.

Daughter: Nice grouping Daddy! Were those Winchester Silver tips, or Hydrashocks?

Son: NO FAIR! Can I shoot the next one???

Wife: Ain't no way you are taking THAT to the Taxidermist!


This concludes testing for the day. Please turn in your comments, so I can grade how well you did. Thank you for participating.

12 comments:

Kelly said...

Hell to the YES!!!

Stephanie said...

None of the options suit me. I think I would like to think I would do as the ammonites but push come to shove I would protect my family.

Lisa said...

I hadn't read that before. That's hilarious.

SuzanSayz said...

Well since I would dig my eyes out before I would ever allow myself to be called a Redneck, I will go with B. Republican. Can I have Libbie with me in the scenario? After all SHE knows how to handle a gun.

Mike Brinkerhoff said...

Redneck all the way. While I wouldn't normally allow myself to be called a redneck, I'd rather be a redneck than a deadneck.

Lori said...

That is so funny!

dani said...

the donald,
though i am from kentucky... you will be happy to know that i am not a redneck:) so, that leaves a or b??? b, is my answer!!!
:),
dani

The Yancey Family said...

I haven't read this before either, I love it! I guess I am somewhere between B and C, but you've seen where I grew up, how could I help being a little bit of a redneck?

libbie said...

I am Mostly a B, although my little pea-shooter wouldn't kill no dang terrorist with one bullet, so I would have to at least empty one full clip on him, which will take me 10 BANGS and that should call it good . . . oh wait, that is until Christmas when my sugar daddy is gonna hook me up with my new toy!(357 revolver). Then I might be able to accomplish the one BANGER! So I guess I am a B.5! Although I did grow up near to Finley, very near in fact, so redneck is something I can definitely understand.

BTW Susan, I will TOTALLY protect you!

Jan said...

B- as in BB gun.

No, I am Red Republican. My neck is sore.

Jan said...

Loving the car.

Mitchellaus Copernicus said...

357 Revolver Lib? Do you think of that on your own? Or did you have a little help?