Thursday, June 19, 2008

Good Old Fashioned Rant Fest

I feel like ranting tonight. And since this my blog, I can rant away all I want. Whether you bother to read it is up to you. So here goes. My rants for this week. (Going back to last Thursday)

Rant #1. I have been trying this year (and so far w/o much luck) to get into good shape like I did last year. Last year, I started to run. At first I could barely make it a 1/2 mile. That really upset me, because in my mind I thought that I could still run the way I used to. You know, before I was married, and did nothing but wax my car and play basketball. But I kept at it, and before I knew it I was regularly doing 3 miles at a time. And I think that I was going at a pretty good clip too. Usually around 28-29 minutes for the three miles.

I also mowed lawns for some extra moola. Between the lawn mowing and the running, my weight was coming off great. I started around 195, and after about 6 weeks I was down to 180. I don't remember the last time I was 180. Needless to say I was very happy.

Then the winter came. Lawn mowing season had come to an end, Elisabeth had been born, and running in cold weather was not appealing to me. Sure enough, the weight started to come back. It came slow at first, but the closer the holidays were, the more junk I would consume. Before I knew it I was stepping on the scale, and it was back up to the mid 190's.

Then came this year. I told myself as soon as it warmed up, I was going to get back out running. But since it didn't warm up until about 3 weeks ago, had a very late start. Long story short. I am now mowing again. I am now running again...but the weight doesn't want to leave me.

So this week I was planning on kicking it up a notch. I was going to run every day out at work. And I was going to start eating less junk. (I am doing good at the eating less junk) But all week I have had a sinus headache. I don't know about you, but when I have one of those bad boys I do not feel like doing anything. It feels like getting hit in the side of the head with a rubber mallet. So I have not ran at all this week. Maybe next week will be better. We will see.

Rant #2. I am sick and tired of hearing on the radio, the TV, and seeing pop up ads on the Internet about starting a green lifestyle. Every time I see one of these moronic adds it make me want to throw up. Memo to you green people. Buying those horrible spiral shaped light bulbs is not going to do anything but give you crappy light. If they are so great, why hasn't NBC, which in my mind is one of the biggest pimps in the going green campaign, (WOW! Big surprise there! Who are they owned by?? G.E? Don't they make all of these crappy green electrical products? The only green from these stupid bulbs is the green in their pockets.) started to use those mercury filled spirals on their sets?

What is that NBC? The incandescent bulbs look better?


The ad that really makes the blood shoot out of my eyes is the one for the organic bug spray. It says some baloney about how we have health smart organic food, and how all of those hippies drive those ugly Priuses (Meatch, you left those eyesores off of your ugly car list. How could you?) so why shouldn't you have bug spray that little Mary over there can eat? I say give me chemicals. If you want the job done right the first time, you gotta have the chemicals. Disagree if you must, but if you do its because you have drank the kool aid the environmentalists have been handing out.

I could go on and on about all things green, but I won't. Well, just one more thing about it. Anyone out there hear about carbon credits? It is where you can use a gulf stream jet to fly 2 blocks to 7-11 and pick up a Slurpee, and then fly up the street to Chicos to get a BBQ Burrito, and then back home, and all you have to do to make it not hurt the environment is to buy some carbon credits. WHAT KIND OF BULL SHIZZLE IS THAT?? Pretty much you can do whatever you want, as long as someone plants a tree somewhere in Africa to offset it. Dumbest thing I have ever heard.

My prediction is that 10-20 years from now the Global Warming hysteria will rank right up there with all the other things that science had a "consensus" on. Things such as Alar in Apple Juice will give you cancer (sha...right...if you drink 5000 gallons a day) Red M and M's will kill you, living under power lines will fry your brain, the hole in the ozone layer, (that's right the ozone is just fine thank you) the population bomb, and the other end of the spectrum, Global Cooling. I am sure there are more, but that should be enough to prove my point.

Before I start rant number 3, may I recommend a great book? It is called "State of Fear" by Michael Crichton. I am almost done, and I highly recommend it. It is about the kooks who believe in the junk science mentioned above.

OK, rant #3. I take pride in my yard. Once in awhile I will get comments on how nice and green it looks. Sometimes I will stare at it through my upstairs window. And then last Thursday, my sprinklers did not come on. I placed a call to the KID the next day, and was told that a pipe was broken, and that they might be able to fix it that day. Which everyone knows means that they don't have any plans to take care of it before the weekend. And I must say, that this was perfect timing with the warming weather we finally are getting.

Before I know it, I am seeing the beginning of huge dry spots in my backyard. Someone might as well of egged my house or spray painted my car. Try as I might, using the hose to water was not cutting it. I couldn't wait until Monday, when the canal jockeys would resolve this problem.

I get home from work on Monday, and the first thing I do is flip the switch for my sprinklers. Nothing. Same thing on Tuesday. Nada. Zilch. Zero water. By this point I am starting to lose my faith in irrigation. Thoughts of turning my whole yard into rock are running through my head. That, or buying some green spray paint.

About 7ish, we decide to head over to Sonic for some dinner. And even though I know that it is useless, I go and flip the sprinkler switch. And to my amazement, the water came on!!! WOOHOO!!! I started to sing and dance. Alexandra joined in on the merriment. I then proceeded to set all the zones to get some water. But when I got home, my excitement was gone. The sprinkler gods had been teasing me, because somehow the water was gone again.

I was so bummed. I was going to head to Lowe's to pick out what shade of green I would want for my yard. But I decided to give them another day. Which of course, they didn't care about. That is right. Wednesday came and went with no aqua for my hierba. Maybe today will be my lucky day for some wetness. I sure hope so. The more I think about spray painting my yard, the more I dislike the idea.

Well, that is about all I've got. Dead grass, blood shooting out of my eyeballs dues to crappy light bulbs, and a round mid section. I hope you are happy KID. Thanks for nothing. And thank you for reading my rant.

(editors note: My water finally came on today, but I felt that this post would sound more dramatic if I left that part out. Kind of like how environmental wackos leave out key parts. It makes for a better story.)


Lisa said...

Spray paint on the grass Donald??? Wouldn't that classify you as "going green?????""

Love You!

Mike Brinkerhoff said...

That was an excellent rant! I give it a 4.5 out of 5. The 1/2 point deduction is for coming clean at the end that the water was back on. Other than that, it was all good!

Now get out there and run, run, run!! =)

libbie said...

freakin KID . . . i think that round midsection part comes along with getting old. i can run all i want, miles and miles, and i won't drop a pound unless i basically starve myself. so i choose to be chubby. i just like food too much. they call runners like us "Clydesdale's!"

Jan said...

I love the spray paint idea. That is so CA... I think that is what Al Gore would have wanted instead of using the water. Way to go.

I hope you can keep up the ranting, oh, I mean running. ( I enjoy the ranting ).

Don't you just want things to work when you turn them on? I am really sorry about your water problems. It is a pain to have to wait for something that is needed now. Poor lawn.

Have a good weekend Donald.

SuzanSayz said...

Well Son, even though you never leave me comments anymore, I will be generous and comment you. I hate how the liberal environmentalists are such big bullies!!!! It seems that nowadays whatever Al Gore and his cronies decide they want to sound the alarm about, within days they have found a whole team of scientists to agree with them and then give Gore the chance to tell all of America "the time to debate is over now we know that blah blah blah is a fact and the only thing to decide is what we are going to do about it" Man I hate that guy. See, I do agree with some of your radical conservative leanings.

Brian and Jenn said...

You are so funny. Don't you just love the "green" guys. And I just read your post about meeting Lisa. I knew you met online, but have never heard it told like that. Love the story! You have a beautiful family. Jennifer

Yasmine said...

Wait...isn't spray paint BAD for the environment? Something about making the hole in the ozone layer bigger? HORROR!
OKay, okay, after seeing my water bill for this month I might say SCREW the ozone and spray paint too. At least you don't have to pay for West Richland City water. I could really do a rant on that one!

Momma K & Big J said...

You are so funny. I stayed up way too late last night reading every last bit of all of your WftM series. Made me laugh, you are hiliarious. Your kabobs on Lisa's blog look great by the way. Nice job. Hope you guys have a great weekend. We like you guys. :)

Heather said...

Maybe you could get some astro turf- it would save water and the ozone layer! C'mon!

Jessica said...

Hey Don--WHAT IS UP? I was roaming around other people's blogs and found yours! I enjoyed your rant--I very much enjoyed State of Fear. Michael Crichton is one of my favs. It is so true how the media is ALWAYS playing off our natural fears--it's getting so ridiculous. Well, hey--send me an email and I'll invite you to our family blog.

Mitchellaus Copernicus said...

Yeah, I'm with you Donald, no matter how much I starve myself and no matter how many miles I run...

Don't get me started on "going green."

Janice said...

Global warming has become America's National religion. Didn't the pilgrims leave Europe for religious freedom?