I am a Man, and I Iron. (Yes, you read that right)

A couple weeks back our iron decided it was time to die, and join its brothers and sisters up in iron heaven. And while I am sure that its iron parents were glad that they were back in the fold, it left us with nothing to smooth out our wrinkles with. I decided to take it upon myself to go out and get a new iron, so we would not have to go around with creases on our shirts that shouldn’t be there.

Oh yes, let’s get one thing out of the way right now. Yes, I do iron. And while Lisa does do most of the ironing in the house, I will step up to the plate and press away if necessary. I have been an advocate of nicely pressed shirts since I was in high school. In fact, I have always been very picky about not only how my shirts are ironed, but how they are washed. If liquid fabric softener wasn’t used in the laundering of my shirts, I can tell. Everybody has their strange ticks. I guess this is one of mine.

Back to the story at hand. I decided to make one of my famous trips to Wal-Mart at night to purchase an iron. Now I have never bought an iron before, but I know that I didn’t want to get the cheapest one they had. There are certain iron features that are a must. It must do that steam thing, and not just the spray thing. The spray thing always leaves your clothes with wet spots. I hate wet spots. That is why the steam is vital. It is an added bonus if the iron also comes with a button to manually steam, so you don’t just have to depend on the automatic steam. Another feature that comes in handy is a cord that won’t get all twisted up. Our old iron’s cord was so twisted that even if you tried to untwist it, it would instantly curl back up.

I was quite surprised to see the price range of irons. They started around 9.99, and went up to over 100 bucks. And while I do appreciated a nicely pressed t shirt, I wasn’t about to dish out over a 100 bucks for it. That my friends is crazy. I settled on a Sunbeam iron (It said they were making irons back before clothes were invented, so I figured it would be a good one) that was priced at 24.39 after the little smiley face had rolled it back from 26.97.

When I made it up to the counter, the lady gave me a funny look. She acted kind of surprised that a guy was buying an iron. “If you don’t mind, let me give you a little advice,” she said to me. “Irons are not the best gift that you could give to your wife/girlfriend. They will take it the wrong way” When I informed her that the iron was for me, she gave me that once over look as if trying to decide if I was either telling the truth, or pulling her leg. After bagging it up, she wished me happy ironing, and I headed home.

The next day Lisa set to iron a big pile of clothes that had been accumulating since the old iron died. She was ready to start, but when she did, there was a problem. The iron sucked. It sucked a lot. It was as if you were trying to use a piece of sand paper to iron your clothes. At first I just figured that she was exaggerating about how bad it was. But when I gave it a try the next day, I understood her pain. It was like a nightmare that you couldn’t wake up from. It became obvious to me why Mr. Smiley Face had rolled back the price. It was because they weren’t selling at that price. In my opinion, one of the 9.99 ones would have been better than that garbage. Since this iron just would not do, I needed to go get another one.

Not wanting to give Wal-Mart my iron buying business now, I decided to check out one of my favorite stores, Target. Much like Wal-Mart, Target had a large selection. After pondering the many different choices, I decided on a T-Fal iron. The ironing surface on this one seemed perfect. It had great features and also came with a lifetime guarantee. And it was only 39.99. A little more pricier than the hunk of Sunbeam refuse from the other store, but I had a 25 dollar gift card from work so it wasn’t bad at all.

It was right after I picked up the box and was about to walk up to the front and purchase this iron when I was confronted by a lady who was also looking at the irons.

“Is that iron for you?” she asked me.

“Yes it is. Our iron died, and we needed a new one.” I replied.

“Oh you mean it is for your wife.”

“Well, she uses more than I do, but yes it is for me.”

“Does that mean you know how to use it?”

“Uh, yes. Yes I do. Have been ironing for about 15 years now.”

“Oh, OK. Have a good night.”

I thought back to Wal-Mart the week before about how the checker was caught off guard with my purchase, and now this lady was asking questions. Very strange indeed. With iron in tow, I headed to the checkout line, where I placed the new (and hopefully better) iron on the conveyer belt. When I did this, a girl who was in her mid 20’s sees it and says to me, “Hey, you are buying an iron huh?” Yes, I AM buying an IRON! What was with these people? It was as if I was on candid camera or something. She didn’t quite know how to react to my sarcastic answer, so she just turned to the cashier and paid for her items.

Finally, it was my turn to be rung up. And what were the first words out of this cashier’s mouth? Not “hello there” or “how was your target experience tonight?” They were: “Oh…you are buying an iron huh?” “Why yes I am. My other iron died, and I can’t go out in public with a wrinkled shirt. So I had to buy this tonight!” And right on cue, as if she had rehearsed it before, she asked me if I was serious, or if the iron was for someone else.

C’mon now. Do you mean to tell me that these cashiers at both stores had never seen a man buy an iron? Or the ladies who couldn’t believe that a male shopper would buy an iron? The funny thing to me is that I could have walked up there with a family size carton of feminine hygiene products and no one would have said a word. Well, there would have been quiet laughter from any men that might be around, but other than that nothing. But heaven forbid a man wants to buy an iron. Then there has to be an explanation. And I found out that I want nicely pressed shirts just doesn’t seem to cut it.

So from now on any iron buying will be done by Lisa. Or I will have to pay a girl to go into the store for me and buy one while I wait in the car.

By the way, the iron works great. I highly recommend it. Just make sure you are of the fairer sex if you buy one. That is unless you want to have to have a lot of explaining to do.

A Weekend Video You Just Can't Miss!

Hippies are funny. Hippie tree huggers are even funnier. So what happens when they are hugging and crying over trees? Well...see for yourself. Words cannot describe it.



I can't take credit for finding this on my own. Thanks to Glenn Beck for letting me know about it via his daily newsletter. Every Glenn Beck fan needs his newsletter. You can sign up for it free right here.

Have a great weekend, and we Sorenson's hope to see you at our birthday bash for Elisabeth tomorrow!!

SPECIAL REPORT!!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!! SHOCKING!!!

It was reported yesterday that Clay Aiken, runner up to Ruben Studdard in the second season of American Idol, and who then went on to record several semi hit records as well as star on Broadway, has announced that he is Gay.

In other reports, it was found out that the sky is blue, the pot did call the kettle black, the sun rises in the east, and man made global warming is a hoax.

Stay tuned to El Donaldo Blogo for other late breaking news items.

September 24th, 2007. The Day I Witnessed a Miracle

Do you believe in miracles???  Al Michaels uttered this phrase during the 1980 Winter Olympics as the final seconds ticked off the clock.  When the clock hit 0:00, the United States Hockey team had done the unthinkable.  The improbable.  They had beaten the mighty Soviet Union in the semifinals.  They then went on to win gold.  As Mr. Michaels pointed out, this was a miracle win.  A win that no one thought possible, except for the players and the coaches of that famed U.S. Hockey team.

 

Ladies and Gents, I have personally witnessed a miracle.  And as much as I love sports, the miracle that happened in my life dwarfs any accomplishment in sports.  Broadway Joe and the Jets knocking off the Colts in Super Bowl III?  Not even close.  Buster Douglas knocking out Mike Tyson? Please.  Kirk Gibson’s home run in the 1988 World Series? Whatever.  All of those moments are small potatoes compared to what Lisa and our family went through.

 

Most of you know the story about our daughter Elisabeth.  Lisa covers all of the comings and goings of our family over on her blog, so I usually don’t bother.  After all, she is the one that has the most viewers.  If it was on my blog, a lot of people would miss out.  But today I am going to take you back to exactly one year ago today.  The day that my 3^rd daughter was born.

 

We had known since April 24^th that our sweet daughter had serious problems.  Any time an Ultrasound Tech is speaking in whispers to the Radiologist that she called down to “just look at something” and you hear the Radiologist whisper back, “Have you told them anything yet” and she answers, “No”, you know in your gut that it can’t be good.  And then before being hit with a ton of bricks having her blurt out “It’s a girl” which is somehow supposed to curb our curiosity.  The words “water on the brain” and “Hydrocephalus” soon followed from the Radiologist. 

 

Our world started spinning out of control.  I had no idea what I was supposed to do as a Husband at that moment.  How do I go about comforting my wife when I have no clue what kind of medical jargon was just thrown my way?  The radiologist told us to go back to Lisa’s lady doctors’ office and talk to him.  Little did we know that this would be the start of 5 months of little to no information from the medical community.

 

The next month was hard.  We went to a specialist about a week later to have another ultrasound, and see what he would say about our situation.  What he said to us was some of the most crushing news that I have ever personally received.  He told us our baby was going to die.  That there was nothing we could do.  That her brain was so filled up with fluid that it would most likely crush her cerebral cortex, and she would die in utero.  And if by some grace of god she was able to be born, she would die right after birth.  Of course all of this was followed up by this “Specialist” pressing us not once, not twice, but three different times to just have an abortion, so this baby wouldn’t have to suffer.  It was at this point I lost all respect for this “Specialist”  He is lucky I didn’t punch him in the head.

 

We decided to keep the baby alive.  Not that we really had to think hard about it.  Abortion was never an option in our minds.  The next several months were loaded with Dr. appointments in Spokane.  I guess a good thing to come out of that is we figured out downtown Spokane, and it went from taking us 30 minutes to getting out of it down to about 5.  We also got to see my sister Heidi and her family more often.  In fact, if it wasn’t for the kindness of my sister and her Husband Jeff, this whole ordeal would have cost us even more.

 

Things started looking up for our little baby.  The amount of fluid in her brain was staying steady.  Every day that passed, it became more and more likely that she was going to live!  We didn’t care about the possibility of mental problems.  Just as long as we had a bundle of joy to take home with us, we would be happy.  Lisa had everything that we would need to accommodate a newborn in the house.  All we had to do was wait.

 

We had the name Elisabeth Elva picked out for a while.  Elva was the name of my Great Grandmother.  I have so many fond memories of going to her house on Smith St. in Richland.  Luckily before she died she made Heidi and I a tape of her talking to us.  I wanted to honor her sweet existence by using her name.  We both felt that it was a perfect fit.

 

The Doctor up in Spokane decided that Elisabeth would be delivered at 38 weeks gestation.  At first Lisa and I were thinking 36 weeks, since we had read online that is when a lot of hydro babies are taken.  Needless to say Lisa wasn’t too pleased having to be pregnant another two weeks.  But the day finally arrived. 

 

We checked into Deaconess Hospital that morning, and they prepared Lisa for the Caesarian that was scheduled for 10:00.  My family was up in Spokane for the birth, along with Lisa’s brother Michael, and her mother Holly.  Everyone was waiting patiently for the moment to arrive.  They pulled Lisa into the birthing room, and said that as soon as they were ready for me, they would call me in.  I was decked out in scrubs, waiting for the call to come out that it was time to go in the room.

 

After what seemed like a very long time, a nurse came to the double doors and said that it was time.  I turned at waved to my family one more time before I stepped into the room that dear Elisabeth was going to enter this world in.  When I walked in the room, I couldn’t believe how cheerful it was.  It was filled with the late morning sun streaming through the windows.  Classical music was playing in the background.  The windows took up the whole wall, and below you could see the beautiful courtyard that separated the Hospital and Lewis and Clark High School.  I went behind the curtain, and held Lisa’s hand.  My wife had never looked so at peace before.  I could tell that the spirit was with us that day.  I knew that everything was going to be OK. 

 

Then we heard it.  A baby crying.  Those final seconds before they brought Elisabeth around for us to see her, many things went through my head.  What did she look like?  Was her head going to be all deranged because of the hydro?  Is she really going to be OK?  But once I saw that beautiful being, all of those thoughts went away.  She was amazing, even with all of the blood and guts covering her.  I started snapping pictures like a madman.  It was easily the most exciting moment of my life. 

 

After a few minutes of them cleaning her off, they realized that she wasn’t breathing right. They had to get her to the NICU right away so they could get a breathing tube in her.  So I went with Elisabeth, while Lisa had to stay behind and get put back together.  The next few minutes are kind of a blur to me.  When we made it down to the NICU, I went out and told my family that she was here.  People were allowed in one at a time to have a look at her.  Since she was in the NICU, the visits had to be short.  But everyone was able to get a look at her.

 

I also had something very important that I had to do.  We were saving her cord blood so we could ship it off to Duke University for the stem cell infusion that we were planning on doing.  It was pertinent that this was done ASAP, because if the blood took too long to get back to North Carolina, it would be no good.  I packaged it all up the way it was supposed to be, and drove to the closest UPS drop off site.

 

The next day her brain surgery was scheduled.  They had to place the shunt in order to start draining off the excess fluid, but they had to make sure she was stable enough for them to do it.  At first they thought they would have to wait a couple of days, but Elisabeth was strong enough to do it sooner.  The surgery went off without a hitch.  Dr. Gruber, the Neurosurgeon, was amazing.  How he was able to do her surgery with only a 1 inch incision on her head, and a ½ inch incision on her belly blows my mind!

 

The hardest part of all of this for Lisa is that she was not able to hold Elisabeth for several hours after she was born.  In fact it wasn’t until that night that Lisa was OK’d to go down to the NICU and hold her.  And even when she did finally get to hold her, she had so many cords and wires coming off of her, it was hard to really snuggle her.  But when Lisa did get to hold her for the first time, she just glowed.  They could have cut the power to the building, and the light coming off of Lisa’s face would have lit up the whole NICU. 

 

Elisabeth ended up having to spend a week in the hospital.  That might seem long, but they had predicted that it could be anywhere between 2-4 weeks that she would have to be there.  The day that we brought her home was great.  We bundled her up inside of her pink car seat with baby blankets rolled up on both sides of her.  Her newly placed shunt was still very pronounced, and with the stitches still in her head, it made it look even stranger. 

 

We knew that the next few months would be filled with ups and downs, Dr. appointments and picture appointments, but we were ready for every minute of it.  While it might appear to the outside world that all of our ordeals with this sweet child are hardships, they are not.  Not even close.  Lisa and I both believe that the Lord does not give you anything that you can’t handle.  Elisabeth has been the biggest blessing for our family ever.  Our little miracle baby.  To steal a line from Harry Potter, she was “The girl who lived!”

 

Happy 1^st birthday my dear sweet Elisabeth.  Many people in this world love you.  People that you have never met, and probably never will meet love you.  Your family loves you, as well as friends and neighbors.  But most of all, your Mother and I love you.  Our lives would not be complete if we had not been blessed with you.  You will have many other birthdays, but this one is the most important.  It is the one we were told you would never have, but you defied the odds and made it.

 

Do I believe in miracles?  Yes.  I do.

Weekend Video (I didn't know this was even possible)

All I can say is wow. I thought this kind of thing only could happen in the old 1960's Batman TV show. POW! BOOM! SMACK! WAMMO!




Have a great weekend! And everybody wish the WSU Cougars and Seattle Seahawks good luck in their quests for their first wins of the season!

And The Winners Are...

Thank you to all of those who entered. There are three people who were automatic winners based on what they wrote in their comments. Those lucky ones are The Yancey Family, My Three Sons, and Daniel Gugliemo! Congrats to the instant winners!

Now, lets move onto the drawing for the other two winners. I gave the remaining people three numbers each, then used a number picker online. The two people drawn at random for the last two NoBama stickers are Libbie and Janice. For the winners who live outside the Tri-Cities, email me your address to me at gosonicsgo@charter.net, and I will get them out in the mail ASAP. Thanks for playing, and be sure to display your NoBama sticker proudly wherever you drive!!

An Odd Couple Indeed!

A PERFECT MATCH. THE WORLDS SHORTEST MAN AND THE WORLD'S LEGGIEST WOMAN

How many people do you know who can walk underneath someone else's legs? I am guessing the answer is zero. Read all about them here.

Oh ya, and my contest ends tonight! Get your entries in, and I will be announcing the winners at 8:00 P.M. tonight.

It's Contest Time Again! (For Some Of You That Is)

Yup, you read the headline right. I am having a contest! And why do I say that it is only for some of you? Well, lets just say there are some people out there who will not care for what I am giving away. If you are one of those people, don't worry, I will have another contest sometime that will not have to do with this subject.

To the people who are interested, I am now talking to you. How many of you feel frustrated by the election this year? If you are anything like me, you were less than thrilled when John McCain became the nominee for the Republican party. And while the ticket did get considerably better with the announcement of Sarah Palin as his running mate, (How do I know it has gotten better? Lets just say I have seen the comments that liberals have left about her on other blogs. She scares the crap out of them. That can only be a good sign.) there is still doubt about him as the nominee.

Of course on the other side of the coin, there is the concern about what kind of President Barack Obama would end up being. Yes, if Barack is elected, there is a chance we will have to start referring to our friends and neighbors as comrades, and the government will have their hands in our lives even more than they already do. And don't forget how much money will be dumped into the man made global warming hoax. Or into other socialist...errr....new government programs!

With that all being said, you wish there was a way to voice your displeasure to the outside world. You see all of the "Obama is for CHANGE" (And hope, and more change, and even more hope...with some change mixed in for good measure) stickers on beat up Volkswagen's and Toyota Priuses. You think to yourself, "If there only was a sticker out there that I could slap on my SUV to show that I don't want the kind of change Obama is promoting." Well, there is a sticker like that, and this is your chance to win one.

You might have noticed the "NoBama" in the top corner of my blog. They have a lot of great items for sale. I decided to buy pack of NoBama stickers. And since I don't need all 10 of them, I am giving away a few. To you, the gracious readers of my blog. How do you enter? Its easy! All you have to do is leave me a comment before 8 p.m. on September 17th, which is this coming Wednesday night. And if you want to write in your comment why you think Obama is a horrible choice for the leader of the free world, or why you would love one of these stickers, feel free to do so. It might even help you win. Below is what the sticker looks like:

I haven't decided how many winners there will be, but if a good amount of people enter, I will give away more than one. So get those comments rollin' in, and the winner(s) will be announced Thursday morning. Have a great week everybody!

My Top 5 Car Grooving Tunes (reposted)

(I posted this on 9/11 before I did my remembrance blog, and I am not sure anyone saw it. So I am reposting it.)

The last few days while making my 38.75 mile trek to and from work, I have been thinking (and listening) about songs that I love singing along with in the car. Actually, I should take that a step further. Singing, dancing, and playing the imaginary drum set built into my steering wheel while listening to them in the car is more like it.

So I compiled a quick top 5 of the songs that when they come across my car stereo speakers, I just can't stop myself from singing along with them at the top of my lungs. They are in no particular order, and for your listening pleasure I also included some clips of the songs. Feel free to comment, and let me know YOUR top 5! Ready? Here we go!


#1 FREEBIRD - Lynyrd Skynyrd





Freebird was released by Skynyrd in 1973, and people have been rocking out to it ever since. The first time I really listened to it was in 1998, right after I bought my first car. I was at Hastings, and I saw a Skynyd greatest hits CD for 8 bucks. I knew that I enjoyed Sweet Home Alabama, and Gimmie Two Steps, so I figured that I would buy it and see what else I could enjoy. This song starts out slow, but the last 5 minutes I get lost in the guitar riffs. When I listen to this song in the car, I am always afraid that somehow I am going to set off the airbag from all the banging I do in the steering wheel.

#2 BEAT IT - MICHAEL JACKSON

Before Michael Jackson bleached his skin, started giving Jesus Juice to little boys, and being better known as Wacko Jacko, he was the biggest and baddest musician on the planet. I am willing to admit that I love his early work, from the Jackson 5, up until he released Bad in 1987.

Beat It gets blasted out of my Accord when it comes on the play list. Of course since it is Michael Jackson, I usually turn it down a little when someone is within 3 car lengths of me, but when I am all alone on the road, I am doing that hand shakin' thing and getting my groove on


#3 ONE HIT WONDER - EVERCLEAR

In 1997, my favorite band hands down was Everclear. From the first time I heard their second album "Sparkle and Fade", I knew that this was a band that I loved. I was able to see Everclear on top of Silver Mountain in Idaho with my good friend Eric Espinoza. This song is great for singing along too in the car, because it builds up until the drummer just lets loose at about the 1:45 mark of the song. I will scream this ditty at the top of my lungs, and if I happen to have any breath left, I will hit repeat, and do it all over again4


#4 Miss Sweeney - Weezer

This song is off of Weezer's new album, the Red album. I love this album. The whole thing is loaded with great songs, My favorite song though off of Red is Miss Sweeney. The first time I heard this song, I was mesmerized. I played it 10 times in a row. (No Joke) There is just something about it that works. I don't know what exactly, but something just works. For it to make the top 5, and to be so new is saying something about the song.


#5 COCAINE BLUES - JOHNNY CASH

I have only really been a Johnny Cash fan for the last couple years or so. Of course I had heard songs of his, but it wasn't until I watched Walk the Line did I look into him some more. I now know all of his hits, and some other songs that you just never hear anymore. And while this song talks about drugs and murder (Two things that I don't have any interest in) It is a fun song to sing in my car.

So there you have it, my top 5. Of course, I could get into the car tomorrow, and hear a song that I would stick on this list too, but for the time being, this is what I've got. Like I said, feel free to tell me your top 5 car grooving tunes. And long live turning your automobile into a one man band show.

Idiot Of The Week

This week it wasn't hard to find my idiot. It is none other than Mr. Charles Rangel (D) from New York. Lets go over a quick peek of his resume shall we?

• Been a congressman since 1971 representing the 15th congressional district of New York.


• Chairman of the Ways and Means committee


• Chief tax code writer for the United States


• Yes, you read that right. He writes the tax code. The man knows the U.S. tax system
  
  

  With the above information now in your brain, consider this:

This week it was found that Mr. Rangel has not paid $75,000 of taxes he owes on a villa that he owns in the Dominican Republic. He rents it out at around 500 bucks a night. He claims that he didn't know that he was supposed to pay taxes on it, and that he would amend his tax returns. Now keep in mind the bulleted points above, and re-read my last sentence.

Not only that, but this story also broke about how he owns four rent controlled apartments, that are meant for lower income residents. But good ol Charlie uses one of the for a campaign office, one to live in, and who knows what the other two are for. Oh yes, one more thing. The rent he pays on all four places is about half of what other apartments rent out at.

So congrats to Mr. Rangel. Somehow you have been in public office for 37 years, and no one told you that taxes were kinda something that had to be taken care of. And of course, he is a powerful man, so only a big OOPS! on his part, and the payment is made. Not even a slap on the wrist. Now, lets see Mr. Joe Sixpack try and pull this stunt. I may not be a rocket scientist, but I don't think it would end well for him.

Is it any surprise congress has like a 9 percent approval rating? Mmm....nope. Have a good weekend everyone.

Always Remember, Never Forget

Seven years ago I was working swing shift on September 10th. I got home from work around midnight, and went straight to bed. I do not remember the reason why, but I woke up around 6 in the morning and turned on the news. I was sad, angry, and confused all at once.



Who could have done this?



Will we make them pay?



Will this great country of ours ever be the same?


These are just a few of the questions floating through my head. I remember that day in great detail. I remember washing my car that afternoon, because after spending the day watching TV and seeing the second plane crash into the other tower, seeing the Pentagon struck, and Flight 93 that crashed down in Pennsylvania I had to do something to keep me busy. I remember while washing the car I heard the Congress of the United States sing "God Bless America" together. One nation, one voice. It brought tears to my eyes, but at the same time a little bit of peace to me in an otherwise insanely crazy day.

While we may not agree with one another on the course that our nation has taken these past 7 years in the war on terror, we should always remember that on that day, our great nation, the greatest nation ever known to mankind, stood as one.

Some people don't want the images of the horrific day shown, but they must be. This event in American history must not be forgotten. Every year on the anniversary of that tragic day, I watch video clips of the terror and confusion. I don't do it because I take joy in human suffering. I do it because I need to remember how I felt that day. We all need to understand what is up against us in this world, and never, ever forget what they did to us.

This first video is a timeline of the events that transpired that day. There are some graphic scenes in this video.



This video is the speech that George W. Bush gave the night of September 11, 2001. I could care less if you like this man or not. But in my mind this is a very touching speech from our Commander in Chief.



Viewing these kind of makes the big ado over the "lipstick on a pig" comment made by Obama very silly. All I have left to say is God Bless America. We have been knocked down before, but we always get up, and rise stronger than we were before. Always remember. Never forget.

The Many Adventures Of El Donaldo And His BB Gun

It has been a while since I have written about some of the happenings of my youth.  I have told you about the different jobs that I have held, about the fun and frivolity that was had cruising Clearwater, and I rehashed for the 100^th time the story about how I destroyed my shins in a motorcycle wreck.  In fact, accidents were a big part of my youth.  From the ages of 5-17 I was always in the ER for something or another that either had happened to me, or I had done myself.  Concussions, broken bones, and stitches, you name it, and I most likely have had it.  There is one accident though that sticks out above the rest in my mind.  Probably because it was 1000 percent (no, I didn’t mean to write 100, I wrote 1000 on purpose) preventable. It is perhaps the dumbest thing that I have ever done. Well, at least in the top 3.  And it involved the best Christmas present that I received in my youth.  My BB Gun.

 

I had wanted a BB gun for awhile, and was overjoyed when I opened one up on Christmas day, 1991.  Actually it wasn’t just a BB gun, it was an air rifle.  BB Guns have a spring that shoots the BB out.  With an air rifle you can pump it up and shoot a BB even further.  But for the story, I will call it a BB Gun.

 

The gun came with some paper targets to shoot at, which I set up on the side of our house to shoot.  You see, in between our house and the neighbor’s house was a fence that was perfect for shooting at.  To this day, there are still BB’s imbedded into the fence there.  After I had spent the paper targets, I took a sharpie pen and drew a target on the fence to aim at.

 

This satisfied my urge to shoot at things for the time being.  After a while, I grew bored with shooting at a fence.  So I started to experiment with my aim at other objects.  One of my favorite things to shoot at were the playground toys at the park across the street from my house.  I would only do this at night through my bedroom window so as not to hit any children that might be playing.  Yup, shoot things at night. In the mind of a 14 year old boy, that is the idea of safe shooting.  This act of stupidity gives you the idea of why I wanted all girls, and no boys to deal with.  I also would take aim at any cat that would enter our property.  We had a lot of stray cats in our neighborhood, and they were always trying to bother our cats and eat their food.

 

Another hobby of mine and the other boys in the neighborhood was to play Q-Tip Tag.  What is Q-Tip tag you may ask?  Well, instead of shooting BB’s, we would shoot Q-Tips.  Much like regular tag, someone is “it” and the person who is “it” must shoot someone with a Q-Tip for them to become “it”.  Being concerned about safety, we did have rules.  Rules such as no shooting above the belt, and only being allowed to pump your gun 2 times so when you did hit someone, it didn’t hurt as bad.  When I look back, I can’t believe that no one was ever seriously hurt.  Well, that is until someone was.  Off course it had to be yours truly who was the first casualty.

 

It was August of 1992, and I was preparing to enter high school.  I was pretty stoked, because like a lot of kids, my middle school career was nothing to write home about.  A new start was going to be great.  I had just turned 15, and the Benton County Fair was right around the corner.

 

It was about 7 in the evening, and my friends Adrian, George, and his brother Robert were down the street at George’s house.  We all had our BB guns, and were setting up soda cans to shoot at.  By this point in time, from using my gun over and over again, and oiling it up, the barrel had built up a greasy coating on the inside of it.  I had found that by just shooting the gun (unloaded of course) into the palm of my hand, it would leave a black mark from the oil in the barrel.  Shooting cans has lost its charm, so I started to show my friends the little trick that I could do with my BB gun.

 

Now in my defense, I had emptied all of the BB’s out of the gun, and had given the gun a good shake to see if there were any left in it.  When it sounded as if all the BB’s had been emptied out, I proceeded on with my trick.  The first time I showed my friends how to do it, everything was fine.  I had pumped it up three times, and the little black mark showed up just like I said it would.  Adrian however did not see me do the trick, and wanted me to do it again.  At this point, I had no reason at all to think that there was a lone BB that had been stuck in the oily residue in the gun.  So I had no qualms about doing this mighty fine trick again.

 

I pumped the gun.  I cocked the gun.  I proceeded to place the barrel of the gun right up against the palm of my right hand between the middle finger and my ring finger.  And before I knew it, my hand was covered in a strange red substance.  The two fingers that I mentioned were not in their normal places.  They were both bent forward, as if the muscles that were holding them in place had left for the day.

 

I sat there for about 5 seconds just staring at my hand, not believing what had just happened.  It wasn’t until the scream of my friends started to ring in my ears that I freaked out, and started to run down the street back home to get help.

 

When I arrived back at 419 E 8^th Place, the front door of the house was locked.  I ran to the side of the house where the gate went to the backyard.  As my luck would have it, it was locked too!  I had to climb over the gate one handed. Once I was in the backyard, I ran to the sliding glass door, and knowing better than to walk in the house and drip my O negative all over the carpet, yelled into the house to anyone who might be listening. “Mom!!!!  I just shot myself in the hand with my BB GUN!!!!”  Before my dear mother even started down the stairs, I heard her voice bellow back to me, “DON’T YOU DARE COME INSIDE AND GET YOUR BLOOD ON MY CARPET!!!!”  Seconds later my Dad came downstairs, threw me a small towel to wrap around my bloody hand, and told me to go get in the car so we could go to the ER.

 

Once at Kennewick General, the place where I was born, the place where I had come to before when I needed medical attention, I had to sit down and wait.  When it was my turn, they brought me into a room where they had all of their little tools at the ready to dig the BB out.  When you looked at my hand, it appeared as if the BB was right below the surface of where it went in.  They decided that they would take an x-ray before they started digging into my hand with a pair of tweezers just to make sure.  It was a good thing that they took this precaution, because the x-ray showed that the BB was not right below the surface.  Like I had stated earlier, it entered my right hand between the middle and ring finger.  But the x-ray showed that it was now between my index and middle finger.  Way to far up for them to dig out.  So they scheduled me for surgery in a few days to remove the BB.

 

During the x-ray, I asked the lady why my two fingers were tilting forward, and she explained that I most likely hit a nerve, and that they should go back when the nerve was better.  They did go back, but for the next year or two afterwards, any time I would be playing sports and catch a ball, my hand would go a little numb for a few minutes.

 

The thought of surgery was pretty scary for me.  I would have to get an IV, and would be under for the surgery.  The worst part of the whole thing was getting the IV started.  I sat there and watched the nurse stick what I thought was a 5 inch long needle into my hand, not knowing that only the tip of the tube had a small needle in it.  The pain was horrible, and I asked if I could just keep the BB in my hand as a souvenir instead.  When the nurse finally got the IV in, she realized that she missed my blood vessel.  So the whole process had to be done again.  This time however I looked the other way, and it wasn’t as bad.

 

Now ready for surgery, they wheeled me into the O.R.  I remember the nurse telling me they were going to administer the anesthetic, and that I should count to 5.  Before I knew it, I was out.  And as soon as I was out, I was awake again, back in the room that I started in.  A woman came in (who happened to by my friend Kimber’s mother) and asked me how I was feeling, and how high I had counted.  When I told her that I had counted to 4, she seemed impressed that I made it to 4.  “No, I started at 5,” I replied back to her.  Sitting next to my bed was a small plastic vial that contained the BB they had pulled out of my hand.  I stared at it, and couldn’t believe that a small sphere of copper had caused this much trouble.

 

The school year started, and the first day of school I still had the 5 staples in my hand.  My hand made a great conversation piece, and I enjoyed all of the attention that it received.  After school that day we went into the Dr’s office to have the staples removed.  After he pulled them out, I took them home and added them to the jar with the BB.  I don’t know whatever happened to that little jar.  I have a feeling that my Dad has it stashed away somewhere, and one of these days when we go over for Sunday dinner, he will present it to me.

 

In case you are wondering, I still used my BB gun after that.  I didn’t try my trick ever again, but there were many times that the self inflicted BB gun wound story would be brought up in the old neighborhood.  Usually right after someone had done something stupid.  I know look back on it and smile.  Sure it hurt at the time, but it makes for a great story to tell.

 

Thanks for reading, and have a super Tuesday.  And next time you hear someone say, “You’ll shoot your eye out kid” keep in mind that shooting the hand is also a viable option.

 

 

Double Feature: Weekend Video, and my pick for idiot of the week

OK, I have a video to share, but first I have to address something that I saw in the newspaper today. For those of you who follow the NFL, you know all about Chad Johnson, the outspoken wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals. He is the He likes to call himself "Ocho Cinco" (for you who do not know a lick of Spanish, that would make 85) in reference to his playing number.
For those of you who don't know about Chad Johnson, the guy is in love with himself. I would not be surprised in the least if he kisses his reflection in the mirror. Mr. Johnson has had some memorable touchdown celebrations, which include giving the football CPR, proposing to a cheerleader after a score, and holding up a sign that said. "DEAR NFL, PLEASE DON'T FINE ME AGAIN!!!" Which of course drew another fine.
All of things stunts he has pulled have not bothered me really. But for some reason, his newest thing puts him over the top into the "Look at me, I am an Idiot!" category. Like I mentioned earlier, he likes to go by the nickname, "Ocho Cinco" He liked it so much in fact that he wanted to have it be his name on the back of his jersey. But the NFL only allows legal surnames on the backs' of players jerseys. So you know what this brain stem did? What any red blooded American would do of course. He changed his last name. To OCHO CINCO! (I bet you didn't see THAT coming, did you??) And since it is now his official surname, the NFL must allow him to have it on the back of his jersey.
So my friends, Mr. Chad Ocho Cinco is my inaugural "Idiot of the week." Feel free to let me know what you think about it.

Now for the video of the week. How many of you have lost track of your child in a grocery store? Sometimes kids wander off into the darnedest places. Here is a store security camera that caught where one little girl went too. I had no idea that a child could even fit into one of these!

Have a good weekend everyone. And watch out for those toy vending machines!

ATTENTION ALL EL DONALDO BLOG READERS!!!

You need to check out this post from Miatch and join in on the discussion! Your input is needed!

45 hours and counting!

I love this time of year for one thing in particular. And that is football. Whether it be the Seattle Seahawks of the NFL, the Washington State Cougars of the NCAA's, or the mighty Kennewick Lions of the Big 9 in Washington State, I love watching the games.

So this is a big weekend. The Seahawks open up their season on Satuday, the Cougars have their home opener on Saturday, and Friday night Kennewick opens up their season against their cross town rival, the Kamiakin Braves at the Lamp.

Both teams lost a lot of talent from last year, and now have a lot of Juniors playing in key positions. It should be a great game, and hopefully Kennewick will come out on top! In 45 hours the Friday night lights will be lit! And the Sorenson Family, along with our good friends the Butherus Family will be cheering for the Orange and Black. Even Lisa is stoked for this one! Goooo Lions!!

Who would have thunk it?

So I just read this interesting article about how our sun has had very low activity over the last few months. In fact, we didn't have any sun spots the whole month of August! Ladies and Gentleman, that is a sign of a chance of global cooling! (Which if you didn't know already, is much more of a problem than the global warming that is no doubt happening.... Allegedly.) If you don't bother to read that article, it goes on to say how the last three times that this happened in the last 1000 years, we have had a RAPID cooling trend.

Just another little tidbit of information for you to swallow. I mean, who would have ever guessed that the sun controlled how hot or cold our planet is going to be?

Oh yes, one more quick thing...more progress made by our fine men and women in Iraq. Read about it here.

I hope you all had a good Labor Day. Now get ready to go back to work!